People say, 'My phone sucks.' No, it doesn’t! The shittiest cellphone in the world is a miracle. Your life sucks. Around the… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Life isn't something you possess. It's something you take part in, and you witness. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I just love learning. I think learning is how you live. The verb of my life is learning. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I've tried to do away with lying in my life in the last few years, but it's hard. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
For my scale, how I grew up and live my life, I'm making plenty of money. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Don't text or twitter during the show. Just live your life. Don't keep telling people what you're doing. Just, because also -… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
“You need to develop the ability to just be yourself and not be doing something, that's what the phones are taking away.… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
We have white people problems in America. You know what that is? That's when your life is amazing, so you just make… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
“It doesn't have any effect on your life. What do you care?! People try to talk about it like it's a social… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
“A woman saying yes to a date with a man is literally insane and ill-advised, and the whole species' existence counts on… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I just always loved comedy and I really wanted to be good at it. And it was heartbreaking, 'cause I started and… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
There's people that say “It's not fair You have all that stuff.” I wasn't born with it. It was a horrible process… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I used to like people more, but now I have children and that changes your life in a lot of ways. Like… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
“It's hard to really look at somebody and go: "Hey, maybe something nice will happen." You just don't-- I know too much… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
There's a woman I see who's not my therapist, but she's like an old friend who's a therapist in profession. She lets… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
If you're a cartoon character or most TV characters, sure, you'll fight, because the punches are juicy-sounding and they don't leave marks.… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Technically, I've learned that having good legs and wind is good for being on stage. You have to be in shape and have endurance. — Louis C. K Copy Share
I think I'm past any window where I'm suddenly going to become surprisingly ripped so that people go, 'Oh, my God, what happened to… — Louis C. K Copy Share
I can feel how an audience is reacting when I'm on a stage, but when you are on stage, your perception is distorted. That's… — Louis C. K Copy Share
“You need to develop the ability to just be yourself and not be doing something, that's what the phones are taking away. The ability… — Louis C. K Copy Share
I know what it's like to have a bunch of material that's working that you don't care about. You want to die. — Louis C. K Copy Share
I just love learning. I think learning is how you live. The verb of my life is learning. — Louis C. K Copy Share
There's been a lot of simple vilification of right-wing people. It's really easy to say, 'Well, you're Christian, you're anti-this and that, and I… — Louis C. K Copy Share
“A woman saying yes to a date with a man is literally insane and ill-advised, and the whole species' existence counts on them doing… — Louis C. K Copy Share
When your kid is being selfish or greedy and you want to help them not be that way, you have to find a way… — Louis C. K Copy Share
You have to be really tenacious. You have to keep at it. There are many roads to get there. If you can get yourself… — Louis C. K Copy Share
I'd love to have a shitty job. I couldn't hold any down. Standup was the only thing I could stick with. I'm an idiot… — Louis C. K Copy Share
If you had a jetpack you'd be like I have the shittiest jetpack. Who's your service provider on your jetpack? Did they make the… — Louis C. K Copy Share
