“You can be told that reading Victor Hugo will sap your will to live, but you can’t understand what that means until… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“ You're tell me those are gnomes pretending to be dwarfs pretending to be elves? Are you trying to play Six Degrees… — Kevin Hearne Elves Copy Share Image
“When in doubt, know your way out, I always say.” “I thought you always said, ‘When in doubt, blame the dark elves.’ ”… — Kevin Hearne Doubt Copy Share Image
“Oberon "Holy revelations Druidman! She's on to us!" Atticus "Gods below, I think you're right! Quick, to the Geekmobile!” — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“The gods damn you, look what you've done! If I want to grow this back, I'll have to endure the most terrifying… — Kevin Hearne Humour Copy Share Image
As any war veteran will tell you, there is a vast difference between preparing for battle and actually facing battle for the… — Kevin Hearne Battle Copy Share Image
Ye know what me Sean used to say, God rest his soul? He said, 'A friend will help ye move, Katie, but… — Kevin Hearne Body Copy Share Image
“Out of the steam and the foam and the froth, a man in white with poor eyesight will craft a liquid paradox,… — Kevin Hearne Mocha Copy Share Image
“I pushed myself forward and rose cautiously to my feet. A draft from the aft signaled that my dressing gown was open,… — Kevin Hearne Baked goods Copy Share Image
Malina looked incredulous. "Are you anything more than a Druid?" "Of course I am. I own this shop and I play a… — Kevin Hearne Accents Copy Share Image
“It's a coffee place. You can't just automatically classify anything that isn't a steak house as vegetarian. Yes, I can. This is… — Kevin Hearne Food Copy Share Image
Aw, no. You’re taking us to that vegetarian place, aren’t you? It’s a coffee place. You can’t just automatically classify anything that… — Kevin Hearne America Copy Share Image
“It quickly became a tracking operation, though. My chariot could not keep up with his truck. By the time I caught up… — Kevin Hearne Druid Copy Share Image
For me, the times I always regret are missed opportunities to say farewell to good people, to wish them long life and… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“Out, out, thou strumpet Fortune!" I cried with all the venom of Charlton Heston. Oberon asked. "It's a Shakespearean word for whore." <"Cool word! It rhymes with trumpet. And pump it. Why didn't the Black Eyed Peas use it in their song? Aren't rappers always looking for cool new rhymes? They should kick it old school with the Bard.>” — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“You can be told that reading Victor Hugo will sap your will to live, but you can’t understand what that means until… — Kevin Hearne Writer Copy Share Image
“We saw Leif to the door and wished him farewell. Time to hit the hay for the last time in this old… — Kevin Hearne Farewell Copy Share Image
“PR guys get paid to make people believe that a pile of shit is an investment in soil fertility. Professional liars.” “Ah!”… — Kevin Hearne Investing Copy Share Image
I had my own dump truck of bad karma waiting for me somewhere ahwad. I had certainly earned it, but I raced… — Kevin Hearne Bad karma Copy Share Image
“Druids were supposed to be forces of preservation, not destruction, and I could not dance around the fact that my stupid pride… — Kevin Hearne Druids Copy Share Image
Yes and I appreciate it. But this is going to be difficult enough without running my words through a filter of illiteracy. — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
People used to say obvious things ironically or as a form of understatement, but in the last few decades they seem to… — Kevin Hearne Discovery Copy Share Image
“The function of assholes in the world, just like the asshole we all have, is to spread shit around. They are loathsome… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“The grin on his face wasn’t the affable, friendly sort; instead, it was the sociopathic rictus of the irretrievably, bug-fuckeringly insane” — Kevin Hearne Friendship Copy Share Image
“An Druides be, thanne answere me: whos love in Eire is moste fyn and fre?" Herne "whether in bedde or in feeld… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
There is always a price to pay for badassery. Neo was a badass in the Matrix and the Matrix Reloaded, but the… — Kevin Hearne Badass Copy Share Image
“Occasionally I am smitten with an acute case of Smug. It can happen to anyone, but it happens most often to people… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
The tendency of modern American women to exclaim 'Hiiiiiiiiiiii!' in soprano octaves and hug each other upon sight can be disconcerting to… — Kevin Hearne American women Copy Share Image
Peace be with you," I said, and as I turned to resume my journey with Coyote, I added under my breath, "and… — Kevin Hearne Coyotes Copy Share Image
Atticus "What's this religion going to be called?" Oberon "Poochism" A:"and the name of this holy writ I will be typing for… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“I think every creature near enough to hear that just pooped" Oberon said, "And then it went into hiding. Hunting tip number… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“when you thumb your nose at the laws of physics like you've been doing, the universe tends to get you back through… — Kevin Hearne Biology Copy Share Image
“To be rooted is to say, here am I nourished and here will I grow, for I have found a place where… — Kevin Hearne Blessings Copy Share Image
“And there were carved hearts in the trunks of trees with the initials of couples who felt there was no more romantic… — Kevin Hearne Couples Copy Share Image
“The plan was simple. Once on the Plain of Idavoll, we were going to follow the immortal strategy of Ebby Calvin “Nuke”… — Kevin Hearne Baseball Copy Share Image
“Atticus: You hear that? The nice blonde in her thirties is actually over 140 years old. : Oberon: She must use that… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“My first time in Madagascar was awesome because lemurs are kind of funny; they throw fruit at the back of your head… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“It is by degrees of love that we wither or blossom—and I suspect that this holds true in both the giving and… — Kevin Hearne Giving Copy Share Image
“Granuaile shook her head. "No, it's gross. You are such a guy sometimes." She's not saying I'm occasionally female. She's implying that… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
Oh, I know. They’re dwarfs pretending to be elves. No, they’re not dwarfs either. Okay, okay, they’re “little people,” I’m sorry! Can’t… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
![“The plan was simple. Once on the Plain of Idavoll, we were going to follow the immortal strategy of Ebby Calvin “Nuke” LaLoosh and “announce [our] presence with authority.” quote by Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/672/kevin-hearne-991_baseball_the-plan-was-simple-once-on-the-plain-of_2182257.jpg)
