Witty Quotes · Page 54

Sometimes you just have to sit down and ask your parents if they sold your soul.

— Nikhil Saluja

I wish people would learn from their mistakes and not keep making the same exact ones, damaging themselves.

— Nikhil Saluja

Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel.

— Groucho Marx

Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances. (Either that, or my luck's terrible.)

— Groucho Marx

The only stable state is the one in which all men are equal before the law.

— Aristotle

The worst guilt is to accept an undeserved guilt — and that is what you have been doing all your life.

— Ayn Rand

If you push your brother down the stairs, he will become your step brother.

— Nikhil Saluja

Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.

— Joey Adams

Whitney Houston’s cover of “I Will Always Love You” was constantly on my FM Walkman radio around that time. I think that…

— Tina Fey

The next time you find yourself in an argument, rather than defend your position, see if you can see the other point…

— Richard Carlson

Most women defend themselves. It is the female of the species-it is the tigress and lioness in you which tends to defend…

— Margaret Thatcher

No matter how bad your day is going, just remember that somewhere in the world someone just got a pubic hair in…

— Nikhil Saluja

There's a hell of a distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.

— Dorothy Parker

“He forced himself forward trying to seem innocent without acting like someone who was guilty who was trying to act innocent.”

— James Dashner

Never lend a book to someone who don't know how to read, never give your heart to someone that don't know how…

— Nikhil Saluja

I've been enjoying 'Life on the Mississippi' by Mark Twain that I picked up at the airport randomly. It's very witty and…

— Roman Coppola

“What are you - Secret Service?' 'If I were, I wouldn't admit it.' 'And you're not admitting it, I notice.”

— Robert Goddard

You are rich... when you never need more than what you have.

— Nikhil Saluja

Wit gives an edge to sense, and recommends it extremely.

— William Penn

Hole (noun) : When a mouse laughs at a cat, there is a hole nearby.

— Nikhil Saluja

I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.

— W. C. Fields

I think I hang out with some pretty witty people, but we're never that funny.

— Bobcat Goldthwait

I don't at all like knowing what people say of me behind my back. It makes me far too conceited.

— Oscar Wilde

My girlfriend told me I'm awful in bed. I don't know how she can tell in 30 seconds.

— Nikhil Saluja

If it were not for the company of fools, a witty man would often be greatly at a loss.

— Francois de La Rochefoucauld

“Silence had weight. And in that moment, it was heavier than both of them could carry.”

— Janus Lucky

When I said What did I do this time? I really meant What did you catch me doing?

— Nikhil Saluja

To say I’m an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a bridge, is patently unfair.

— Tina Fey

Ladies don't ask for much. They just want shoes, diamonds, less work, free money & a perfect man.

— Nikhil Saluja

Wit is a sword; it is meant to make people feel the point as well as see it.

— Anonymous

I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words.

— Nikhil Saluja

The Law is a grim, unsmiling thing. Not Justice, though. Justice is witty and whimsical and kind and caring.

— Rohinton Mistry

Grave authors say, and witty poets sing, That honest wedlock is a glorious thing.

— Alexander Pope

“He liked murder. Murder and long walks had been two of his favorite things when he was younger.”

— Derek Landy

Witticisms please as long as we keep them within boundaries, but pushed to excess they cause offense.

— Phaedrus

One of the great mysteries of life is how a man can leave his car keys in the refrigerator.

— Nikhil Saluja

Never let your Ladys mind wonder. its too little to be out on its own

— Nikhil Saluja

24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not. Rehab is for quitters.

— Nikhil Saluja

People who can't be witty exert themselves to be devout and affectionate.

— George Eliot

I only do one thing at a time; otherwise, I get confused and then I can't trick you.

— Judy Sheindlin