You know you're on your period when everyone around you has an attitude problem. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Raillery is a mode of speaking in favor of one's wit at the expense of one's better nature. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
For those who woke up in a Fussy mood this morning do me a favor, punch your spouse in their fucking face. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If a woman has her tampon behind her ear and can't find her cigarette watch out. She's having a terrible day. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Women who are not living ought to spend all their time cracking jokes. In a rotten society women grow witty; making a… — Dorothy Richardson Copy Share Image
Given a choice between hearing my daughter say "I'm pregnant" or "I used a condom", most mothers would get up in the… — Joycelyn Elders Copy Share Image
It's not a day that don't go by that I don't thank God for waking me up to enjoy life and appreciate… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe: Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“I don't understand this irony - valuable things like cars, gold, diamond are made up of hard materials but most valuable things… — Amit Kalantri Copy Share Image
“If an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means they are going to commit same mistake again they… — Amit Kalantri Copy Share Image
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use?… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when your phone goes dead in the middle of a interesting conversation... — Lonniedagreat Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, The alliance of two people, one who never remembers birthdays, and the other who never forgets them; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I get the impression the English kings were witty, for some reason. I feel like all you had was your wit. — Colin Quinn Copy Share Image
My father could be very witty, even if the humor was always on the darker side of irony. — Maurice Sendak Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, A delightful form of combat where you get to sleep with the enemy; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
There are no relationship problems that can't be solved through suitable application of high explosives. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I only read biographies, metaphysics and psychology. I can dream up my own fiction. — Mae West Copy Share Image
HUSBAND, SMART, A man who is never so busy bringing home the bacon that he forgets the applesauce; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother. — Ken Dodd Copy Share Image
Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear. — Suzanne Collins Copy Share Image
You know the acronym behind your name won't keep me from kicking your ass in the parking lot. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Every night when everyone's asleep, I grab my phone and I start reading all our old conversations. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Almost all serial killers are men. That's 'cause women like to kill one man slowly over many, many years. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I suppose, just as an honest man in politics shines more than he would elsewhere. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Why don't blind people sky dive? Because it scares the hell out of their dogs! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
They named it Twitter because Licking each other dirty asses was too long. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
