I took the wife's family out for tea biscuits. They weren't too happy about having to give blood though. — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me. — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
Last year my wife ran off with the fellow next door and I must admit, I still miss him. — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
The wife's Mother said, ‘When you're dead, I'll dance in your grave.’ I said: ‘Good, I'm being buried at sea’. — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
My wife sent her photograph to the lonely hearts club. They sent it back, said they weren't that lonely. — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
When we were courting, I told my wife: 'I could live in your eyes.' She said: 'You'd be at home; there's a… — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
Take my wife... please. I'm not saying she's ugly, but when she went to see a horror film, the audience thought she… — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I… — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
Funny thing how you first meet the woman that you marry. I first met the wife in a tunnel of love. She… — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
I'd like to thank the BBC for allowing me to work here. And I'd like to thank the wife and kids for… — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me. — Les Dawson Copy Share
In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite… — Les Dawson Copy Share
I've just had some bad news. Tomorrow is the mother in law's funeral. And she's cancelled it. — Les Dawson Copy Share
I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps. — Les Dawson Copy Share
I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me a kite. — Les Dawson Copy Share
In awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebony void of infinite… — Les Dawson Copy Share
I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.' — Les Dawson Copy Share
With wives, men hide behind the air of bravado, which is basically a defence mechanism, I think. Clever creatures, women. Very clever. — Les Dawson Copy Share
Mind you, I've always been musical... Mother used to sit me on her knee and I'd whisper, 'Mummy, Mummy, sing me a lullaby do,'… — Les Dawson Copy Share
How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing. — Les Dawson Copy Share
The mother-in-law had an accident at work. A hot rivet dropped down her drawers and she fell off the oil rig. — Les Dawson Copy Share
I'm often accused of saying some pretty rotten things about my mother-in-law. But quite honestly, she's only got one major fault - it's called… — Les Dawson Copy Share
