The mother-in-law had an accident at work. A hot rivet…

Me in the corner with a good looking daughter, I dropped my drawers and it was like Welcome Back Kotter.

— Beastie Boys

I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said: 'Keep her moving sir; we're stock-taking.'

— Les Dawson

My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her…

— Les Dawson

My mother-in-law said, 'One day I will dance on your grave.' I said 'I hope you do; I will be buried at sea.'

— Les Dawson

My mother-in-law had to stop skipping for exercise. It registered seven on the Richter scale.

— Les Dawson

My mother-in-law's so fat that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it.

— Les Dawson

The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said,…

— Les Dawson

My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind.

— Les Dawson

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed; I never knew they worked.

— Les Dawson

I'm often accused of saying some pretty rotten things about my mother-in-law. But quite honestly, she's only got one major fault - it's called…

— Les Dawson

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'

— Les Dawson

The mother-in-law is the centre of a family.

— Les Dawson

I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps.

— Les Dawson

I've just had some bad news. Tomorrow is the mother in law's funeral. And she's cancelled it.

— Les Dawson

I cannot cause light; the most I can do is try to put myself in the path of its beam. It is possible, in…

— Annie Dillard