I've just had some bad news. Tomorrow is the mother in…

I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said: 'Keep her moving sir; we're stock-taking.'

— Les Dawson

My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her…

— Les Dawson

My mother-in-law had to stop skipping for exercise. It registered seven on the Richter scale.

— Les Dawson

My mother-in-law's so fat that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it.

— Les Dawson

The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said,…

— Les Dawson

My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind.

— Les Dawson

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed; I never knew they worked.

— Les Dawson

I'm often accused of saying some pretty rotten things about my mother-in-law. But quite honestly, she's only got one major fault - it's called…

— Les Dawson

The mother-in-law had an accident at work. A hot rivet dropped down her drawers and she fell off the oil rig.

— Les Dawson

The mother-in-law is the centre of a family.

— Les Dawson

My mother-in-law was so mean she blinded herself just to get a free dog.

— Gary Delaney

I suppose, mother-in-laws are frightening figures. Especially, more so for mother-in-laws to be.

— Sonia Gandhi

I went from resenting my mother-in-law to accepting her, finally to appreciating her. What appeared to be her diffidence when I was first married,…

— Ayelet Waldman

If there's an award for best mother-in-law in the universe, in the future, when my son gets married, I will win that award.

— Laura Schlessinger

My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.

— Phyllis Diller