“She never laughs or smiles or tells a joke. She reminds me of a robot caked in meat.” — Matthew Quick Copy Share Image
“. . . I still wouldn't be able to control myself around him, and I'm math geek enough to know that equation doesn't work out.” — Robin Brande Copy Share Image
I couldn't tell a story if my life depended on it. I'm the world's worst joke-teller. — David Shields Copy Share Image
“The relations of a joker to his joke should be as quick and desultory as those of a bee to its flowers.” — William Somerset Maugham Copy Share Image
I'm a prankster, so some of the - you know, I like a good joke. I think when it's funny, it's funny. — Sean Spicer Copy Share Image
Maybe the universe is a giant practical joke and we don't know the punchline. — John Lloyd Copy Share Image
Can a serious party put up an individual perceived previously or continuously as a joke candidate? I say yes. — Vermin Supreme Copy Share Image
What I usually do is tell funny stories from the road, many of which are, of course, unprintable. But I don't actually… — Howard Dean Copy Share Image
A lot of times, you could play me just the laughs from my set, and I could tell you, from the laugh,… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I love musical theater so much. When done right, I think comedy songs can be the most efficient form of joke delivery.… — Rachel Bloom Copy Share Image
I've definitely gotten to a place of complete surrealism where I feel like I'm living in 'The Truman Show' or something and… — Noah Kahan Copy Share Image
I can pretty much guarantee that if I do a show in a comedy club, there will be someone who will come… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
In the end, perhaps we should simply imagine a joke; a long joke that's continually retold in an accent too thick and… — Tom Robbins Copy Share Image
The thing with the comedian is you can make all the jokes you want and not every joke it going to be… — Bianca Del Rio Copy Share Image
'Pyaar Ka Punchnama' was mainly a boys' film; we girls were just a catalyst. We would set up a situation for them… — Nushrat Bharucha Copy Share Image
Often, when you're in some of these writing rooms for... and the most restrictive is network television, right? They say, 'Wow, that's… — Jay Chandrasekhar Copy Share Image
“Got something!" one of the men yelled. "Is it Mike?" another called, rushing from our sides. As everyone converged on the scene,… — Kelley Armstrong Copy Share Image
“There was once a man named Joe... Joe was insecure because he had no ears. Joe couldn’t hear a goddamn peep. And… — David Michael Miller Copy Share Image
It's when I make a joke about Indian people and then a white person comes up to me and says, "That's wrong.… — Brad Williams Copy Share Image
Now, some people do this for shock value. Shock is just another uptown word for surprise. Granted it has a different quality… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Shaquille and I kind of joke we were the Christopher Columbus of social media. We're kind of out on a boat by… — Amy Jo Martin Copy Share Image
You can tell on-stage when a joke's starting to lose its pop. It doesn't mean people don't want to hear it anymore;… — Ron White Copy Share Image
When a joke works, it works. It can make a point in a really simple way; it can be a great little… — Jon Lovett Copy Share Image
If a playwright is funny, the English look for a serious message, and if he's serious, they look for a joke. — Sacha Guitry Copy Share Image
No comedy should be longer than 90 minutes. There's no such thing as a good long joke. — John Waters Copy Share Image
I don't want to ever tell a stereotype joke for the sake of it. I'm going to tell the story that I… — Ronny Chieng Copy Share Image
My preference is for people who can do sketch comedy or situational comedy, where it's not a joke, but it's telling a… — Carol Burnett Copy Share Image
Me and fellow scouser Toni Duggan are a double act. We are always pre-planning some sort of practical joke. — Nikita Parris Copy Share Image
Every joke can't be dazzling. And if you think you spotted an inconsistency, you did! — George Meyer Copy Share Image
I've literally had dreams of that moment since I was a kid, no joke, about stepping in for my first at-bat. — Eddy Alvarez Copy Share Image
I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical. — Norm MacDonald Copy Share Image
“Looking but not seeing is the hearing but not understanding of the eye.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
I don't spend much on myself. It's a bit of a joke within the family. — Chris de Burgh Copy Share Image
I always make a joke: 'Don't look into the future; it's too bright.' That's as positive as I can be. — Mike Colter Copy Share Image
“Hilta laughed like someone who had thought hard about Life and had seen the joke.” — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
There is nothing - nothing - like writing a great joke and having that joke kill onstage. — Judy Gold Copy Share Image
I'm not here to joke around or waste time. I want to put my city and country on the map, and I… — Timothy Weah Copy Share Image
