“Now I know this is going to seem counter to every instinct that you have, but I'm going to ask you to… — Anna White Copy Share Image
“They say she has all the gentlemen of the king’s privy chamber, one after another. She don’t like delay so they all… — Hilary Mantel Copy Share Image
“I watched Question Time on BBC1 last night and I've come to the conclusion this country needs more unemployed politicians.” — Kirkland Ciccone Copy Share Image
“A good speech is like a miniskirt--long enough to over all the vital parts, short enough to entice and captivate listeners.” — Naa Shalman Copy Share Image
The real problem you get with humour is that you only have so many kinds of jokes within you, and you mine… — Bill Bryson Copy Share Image
ADDER, n. A species of snake. So called from its habit of adding funeral outlays to the other expenses of living. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
“I've never written a quote I feel would be suitable for my gravestone. Wouldn't it be ironic if it were this one?… — Ryan Lilly Copy Share Image
I love Andre 3000 from OutKast. I think we'd complement each other, but I'm hoping he's got a good sense of humour. — Paloma Faith Copy Share Image
RAILROAD, n. The chief of many mechanical devices enabling us to get away from where we are to where we are no… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
“Emerging from the next chalet in the row was a young woman, probably mid-twenties he guessed, about medium height and build, with… — Ted Bun Copy Share Image
“An emotional man with bushy eyebrows tells us that if the proposed mosque is built in Bendigo 'the foundation of Australia will… — John Safran Copy Share Image
“Oh really?’ said Mayes raising a mocking eyebrow which put Rob in mind of a poor man’s Roger Moore. ‘And what on… — Dougie Brimson Copy Share Image
“Clinton has cheated on Hillary for years,’ I said (to his campaign manager James Carville). ‘I told you the story about the… — Karen Hinton Copy Share Image
“No, but if I were an illegal, experimental replicant hiding the truth of an international conspiracy I would try and put myself… — Guy Haley Copy Share Image
“When you walk into a chocolate store, suddenly the most difficult decision you will ever have to make in your life, is… — C. JoyBell C Copy Share Image
“Ah college years, those were the days. Pure freedom ... leaving home for the first time…the parties…” "What about the tutorials, the… — E.A. Bucchianeri Copy Share Image
“If God give you a status, don't turn yourself to a statue. Don't become a monument. God still want to reside inside… — Patience Johnson Copy Share Image
It was possibly the most circumspect advance in the history of military maneuvers, right down at the bottom end of the scale… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
“Gone were the days when she would stand on the deck lighting lemon-scented candles without then having to eat the wax” — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“He responded with one of those looks of pity and amusement I was by now so used to getting, the kind that… — Viet Thanh Nguyen Copy Share Image
Ya of course we're best friends...You cry I cry, You laugh I laugh, You fall off a bridge I laugh even HARDER.… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Author? Author? Did you write these legs?' 'Yes." 'Well, I don't like dem. I don't like 'em at all at all. I… — Spike Milligan Copy Share Image
“In a mounting panic the samnite hefted his rifle and delivered a blast straight to Skullhammer's chest, point blank. Once again, torment… — Christopher Brookmyre Copy Share Image
“Life is a process during which one initially gets less and less dependent, independent, and then more and more dependent.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“I'm sorry about dragging you into my evil schemes with my masculine wiles. I didn't realise, um, the force of my own… — Sarah Rees Brennan Copy Share Image
When I was nine I spent a lot of my time reading books about the history of comedy, or listening to the… — Paul Merton Copy Share Image
“Three Denises wobbled in front of her, all of them watching her with fond concern. “You’re a sweetie. I appreciate you cheering… — Sarah Mayberry Copy Share Image
“I'm a whore!" Miki hit the brakes...her hands.. gripping the steering wheel, glanced at Sara. "You're not wearing any underwear, are you?"… — Shelly Laurenston Copy Share Image
“I had this teacher who kept telling me that if I was ever in a fair fight, someone had made a mistake,”… — Jim Butcher Copy Share Image
“Yves. You are goint to love him all over again when you meet him, believe me. You're married.' 'I'm what? But I… — Joss Stirling Copy Share Image
“Linda's presentation of the 'facts' had been so gruesome that the children left Alconleigh howling dismally, their nerves permanently impaired, their future… — Nancy Mitford Copy Share Image
“Some of the people who hate me love some of the sentences that I have written, until they get to the name… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“...some men say get them crying on your shoulder and you have the sheets half-unfurled already. Other fellows say get them laughing.… — Stewart Hennessey Copy Share Image
Cultivate your sense of humour. On life's journey from nappy rash to denture adhesive, humour is a great pain reliever. — James Simpson Copy Share Image
“I mean, it's a good job we've got a last desperate million-to-one chance to rely on, or we'd really be in trouble!” — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
“Wow,” she said. “Do you realise how wonderful you sound?” “Yes, I do,” he said with a firm nod. “And I think… — Robyn Carr Copy Share Image
The humour of the Chinese people in inventing gunpowder and finding its best use in making firecrackers for their grandfathers' birthdays is… — Lin Yutang Copy Share Image
“Midlife shouldn’t be the end of youth. It should be the beginning of giving zero f*cks and finally doing life our way.” — Bree Penfold Copy Share Image
“It's hot in here but that's just you, Michelle, for when I see you it's like the sun comes out in my… — J.A. Buckle Copy Share Image
“Ivan took his tea gratefully but Philippe watched dispassionately as he took a long sip from it, as though he did not… — William Axtell Copy Share Image
