I've said things on Twitter that I've said deliberately because I think they're out of order, I think that's the sense of… — Limmy Copy Share Image
“Sir Bedevere: "Tell me, what do you do with witches?" Crowd: "Burn, burn them up!" Sir Bedevere: "And what do you burn… — Monty Python and the Holy Grail Copy Share Image
“Are we making a bomb?" "This is a trust exercise, like in drama," she says. "Are we making a bomb as a… — Joe Dunthorne Copy Share Image
While an author is yet living we estimate his powers by his worst performance, and when he is dead we rate them… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“She now represents the Western United States, thus proving politics is even more accepting of the strange, unusual, and mostly useless than… — John Zakour Copy Share Image
“Many millions of pregnancies—many if not most of which have each led to the birth of at least one child—were each used… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“My uncle would have about ten pints some nights and then drive us all home. I guess the feeling was that we… — Frankie boyle Copy Share Image
For the purposes of life and conduct, and society, a little good sense is surely better than all this genius, and a… — David Hume Copy Share Image
“The weather had freshened almost to coldness, for the wind was coming more easterly, from the chilly currents between Tristan and the… — Patrick O'Brian Copy Share Image
“Put your vocabulary on the top shelf of your toolbox, and don't make any conscious effort to improve it... One of the… — Stephen King Copy Share Image
“The groom should not see you in the dress just before the wedding, that’s bad luck. You know what’s worst luck? Is… — Hank Moody Copy Share Image
“What is your name?” she said crossing her legs. “I am Raj Singhania, owner of Singhania group of Industries and I am… — Babu Rajendra Prasad Sarilla Copy Share Image
“I'm in love with you" Finally, the girl looks at me. "What?" "I don't know." I gesture to the house, the yard,… — Katie McGarry Copy Share Image
“On my first day in London I made an early start. Reaching the Public Record Office not much after ten, I soon… — Sarah Caudwell Copy Share Image
“Archie Henderson has won no awards, written no books and never played any representative sport. He was an under-11 tournament-winning tennis player… — Archie Henderson Copy Share Image
“Well, more or less, you just got struck by lightning." "Wait, what?" My brain stopped processing for a prolonged moment unable to… — Elizabeth Sharp Copy Share Image
For 3 million you could give everyone in Scotland a shovel, and we could dig a hole so deep we could hand… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
“While the archetype of the tinker is generally the whipping person in classical bedtimes stories, this particular individual was a tinker by… — James Finn Garner Copy Share Image
You are not angry with people when you laugh at them. Humour teaches tolerance, and the humorist, with a smile and perhaps… — W. Somerset Maugham Copy Share Image
“Islington smiled superciliously. “Lucifer?” It said. “Lucifer was an idiot. It wound up lord and master of nothing at all.” The marquis… — Neil Gaiman Copy Share Image
“ Tallish. Check. Built like a bull. Check. Were there tingles in her downstairs department? Mmhmm. Check. Her pearly gates had gone… — Cari Silverwood Copy Share Image
The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom… — Alan Coren Copy Share Image
PROOF, n. Evidence having a shade more of plausibility than of unlikelihood. The testimony of two credible witnesses as opposed to that… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
“It’s an old Camorri tradition for when a bunch of people are planning something stupid,” said Locke. “Actually, we have a lot… — Scott Lynch Copy Share Image
I am a grown man who is an entertainer with a specific type of humour and if you don't like it, that's… — Bianca Del Rio Copy Share Image
“Look here, old sport," he broke out surprisingly. "What's your opinion of me, anyhow?" A little overwhelmed, I began the generalized evasions… — F. Scott Fitzgerald Copy Share Image
“Bouncer, recognizing a well-wisher, got up, and thrust his cold, wet nose under her hand, assuming as he did so the soulful… — Georgette Heyer Copy Share Image
“Welcome to Hell, where the living conditions went beyond crowded, the job sucked, and the pay sucked even worse. It was like… — Eve Langlais Copy Share Image
“I recall when this place was a good 'n honest community hall with a great sense of place and pride but now… — Jonathan Dunne Copy Share Image
“Whenever He answers prayers, God usually prioritizes those by people who, instead of their mouths, have prayed with their hands and/or feet.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
All I've ever tried to do is get the best out of people and to bring a bit of humour into it.… — Andrew Lloyd Webber Copy Share Image
“Write - because you will explode if you don't, your brain will expand with words like a balloon filling with air…” — Sarah Colliver Copy Share Image
“I don't know the rules of grammar. If you're trying to persuade people to do something, or buy something, it seems to… — David Ogilvy Copy Share Image
“Whew,” he said. “You clean up good . You don’t look like the same girl.” She frowned right before she laughed. “Do… — Robyn Carr Copy Share Image
Optimism is the first cousin of love, and it's exactly like love in three ways: it's pushy, it has no real sense… — Gregory David Roberts Copy Share Image
“A relationship is likely to last way longer, if each partner convinces or has convinced themselves that they do not deserve their… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“Morning, noon & bloody night, Seven sodding days a week, I slave at filthy WORK, that might Be done by any book-drunk… — Philip Larkin Copy Share Image
“If you were anyone else, your nuts would be taking a long vacation, and the destination would be out of your mouth” — J.A. Saare Copy Share Image
“You put cow dung on my face?’ ‘Every day religiously until you were three. Why else do you think your skin is… — Renita D'Silva Copy Share Image
“His knowledge was not far behind The knight's, but of another kind, And he another way came by't ; Some call it… — Samuel Butler Copy Share Image
