Humorists Quotes · Page 2

A humorist doesn't really do that much note-taking.

— P. J. O'Rourke

HOMŒOPATHIST, n. The humorist of the medical profession.

— Ambrose Bierce

No real estate is permanently valuable but the grave.

— Mark Twain

The man who offers an insult writes it in sand, but for the man who receives it, it's chiseled in bronze.

— Giovannino Guareschi

If there's anything I hate it's the word humorist-I feel like countering with the word seriousist.

— Peter De Vries

What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you

— Louis C. K

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

— James Thurber

Neither conservatives nor humorists believe man is good. But left-wingers do.

— P. J. O'Rourke

God is a great humorist. He just has a slow audience to work with.

— Garrison Keillor

We should make the poor uncomfortable and kick them out of poverty.

— Benjamin Franklin

[ I'm] humorist, I guess. Or really more of a reporter. A reporter who reports on funny things.

— P. J. O'Rourke

The difficulty with humorists is that they will mix what they believe with what they don't; whichever seems likelier to win an…

— John Updike

I never asked to be compared to Richard Pryor. I just realised he was one of the greatest humorists we'd ever had…

— Lenny Henry

You are not angry with people when you laugh at them. Humour teaches tolerance, and the humorist, with a smile and perhaps…

— W. Somerset Maugham

When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses…

— Johnny Carson

Humorists are using Twitter to tell jokes in an interesting way. It doesn't have to be profound, and it doesn't have to…

— James Gleick

Nothing seems too high or low for the humorist; he is above honor, above faith, preserving sense in religion and sanity in…

— Sean O'Casey

Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'

— Joan Rivers

Alas! those good old days are gone, when a murderer could wipe the stain from his name and soothe his trouble to…

— Mark Twain

A religion that comes of thought, and study, and deliberate conviction, sticks best. The revivalized convert who is scared in the direction…

— Mark Twain

No humorist is under any obligation to provide answers and probably if you were to delve into the literary history of humour…

— P. J. O'Rourke

PANTALOONS, n. A nether habiliment of the adult civilized male. The garment is tubular and unprovided with hinges at the points of…

— Ambrose Bierce

I have a religion-but you will call it blasphemy. It is that there is a God for the rich man but none…

— Mark Twain

Walking companions, like heroes, are difficult to pluck out of the crowd of acquaintances. Good dispositions, ready wit, friendly conversation serve well…

— Brooks Atkinson

Six Secrets to Being a Successful Humorist 1. Be scared, unhappy, and an outcast as a kid. 2. Drop out of high…

— Bruce McCall

It is hard to get mad at Donald Trump for saying stupid things, in the same way you don't get mad at…

— Jon Stewart

In this land of unlimited opportunity, a place where, to paraphrase Woody Allen, any man or woman can realize greatness as a…

— Vincent Canby

You've got to be (an) optimist to be a Democrat, and you've got to be a humorist to stay one

— Will Rogers

This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.

— Art Buchwald

Humorists of the 'mere' sort cannot survive. Humor is only a fragrance, a decoration.

— Mark Twain

There are people who can talk sensibly about a controversial issue; they're called humorists.

— Cullen Hightower

How will I be remembered? As a technician or artist? As a humorist or a visionary?

— Norman Rockwell

Think of what would happen to us... if there were no humorists; life would be one long Congressional Record.

— Thomas Lansing Masson

Today the outlandish becomes routine overnight. The humorist is trying to say that it's still outlandish.

— William Zinsser

If at first you don't succeed-try, try again. Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as timed-release success.

— Robert Orben

America cannot have an empire abroad and a Republic at home.

— Mark Twain

I consider myself always a humorist. And I think anybody who tells jokes or makes people laugh is humor.

— Dick Gregory

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

— Jim Gaffigan

Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day.

— John Bishop

Every person you look at, you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking

— George Carlin