She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
My dog learned how to beg by watching me through the bedroom door. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
What a childhood I had - I was ten years old when I found out Alpo was dog food. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
My sex life is terrible; my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
My wife has to be the worst cook. I've got the only dog who begs for alka-seltzer. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I was so ugly my parents had to hang a pork chop around my neck to get the dog to play with… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share
Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: 'Basement?' — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share
She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share
I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share
I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share
What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share
I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share
