Comedy Quotes · Page 335

I didn't want to be nobody, and that was the only way I could be somebody was to do stand-up.

— George Lopez

Why do I have to feed the kids? They just ate twelve hours ago!

— Bill Cosby

I'm always so impressed by people who can just stay super mellow and still be extremely funny.

— Janet Varney

You can take anything, and if you explore it right, you can make it funny.

— Kaitlin Olson

Comedy Central made their own awards show. They were named best comedy channel.

— Andy Kindler

I would hate to be a standup comedian for ever. It would not be good. It would be the worst.

— Rose Matafeo

I dream of starting a three-man country trio called the Chixie Dicks.

— Zach Galifianakis

To me, families are fascinating. I choose to explore it through comedy and through comic situations.

— Kevin Kwan

Real life doesn't exist on a network television comedy. They just don't let you travel down any road that is presumably 'dark.'

— Jason Jones

Before I started doing stand-up, I never envisioned doing it. I strictly saw myself doing improv and sketch comedy, and then, when…

— Quinta Brunson

“When you make an embarrassing mistake, learn to let the memories be enough to let you laugh about it today.”

— Julieanne O'Connor

I like to flip flop, but making your days work to find a laugh is a really good way to spend a…

— John Cho

...My point is, I went crazy. When I saw what a black, awful joke the world was. I went crazy as a…

— Alan Moore

I find it amusing on one level, poignant on another, when people try to get recognition from an outside source. It's sad.

— Grace Slick

“I was a lazy reader as a kid. One nutrition label on a box of Cap’n Crunch and I’d have to take…

— M.J. McGuire

Stand-up came out of three things. Frustration, necessity and arrogance. I didn't have a great career ahead of me in anything. Someone…

— Eric Bana

I've always hated the term 'alternative'; I only use it because when I say it, people know what I'm talking about. I…

— Brian Posehn

So when you tell a joke, you want to make someone laugh, or if you tell a story about someone who had…

— Peter Guber

What I love is the comedy of the body. It's a little highfalutin', but you can even say pre-verbal comedy. People laugh…

— Bill Irwin

“Southerners have a sense of perspective, a way of finding the humor in even the most painful of experiences. We know that…

— Deborah Ford

Every man who has reached even his intellectual teens begins to suspect that life is no farce; that it is not genteel…

— Henry James Sr

But the rest are even scared to open up and laugh. You know, that's the first thing that got me about this…

— Ken Kesey

It's funny, because I was trained as a dramatic actor at New York's Colonnades Theater Lab in the '70s, along with Jeff…

— Peter Scolari

“The guardsmen dragged him to the Detour; the mules they had ridden were there. The corpse was buried near here or the…

— Manlio Argueta

The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?

— Daniel Tosh

“To us investigators, the concept 'soul' is irrelevant and a matter for laughter.”

— Ernst Mach

“in this society, things you’d think could only be bad jokes actually happen all the time.”

— Banana Yoshimoto

It seems easier to make a career out of comedy now than it was in the 1980s.

— Alexei Sayle

Pretty people don't keep comedies on the air. Funny people keep comedies on the air.

— Allison Jones

Minnesotans know the difference between the job of satirist and the job of senator. And so do I.

— Al Franken

I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver.

— Zach Galifianakis

The days are long. I'm not complaining, but it's a lot of work doing a single-camera comedy.

— John Ross Bowie

I laugh and joke, but I don't get distracted very easily.

— LeBron James

Life plays the same lovely and agonizing joke on all of us.

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

I realize how desperate it sounds for me, as a comedian, to ask you to laugh at my jokes.

— John Oliver

There is no 'magic water' that you can rub on a script to make the jokes funnier.

— Graham Linehan

Everybody wants to laugh - you know that. They need to laugh... people need to laugh.

— Carl Reiner

Every blessed one of you feels better for that burst of laughter.

— Ivor Novello

I think there is something very nice about going to work to try to make people laugh.

— Dennis Farina

I have wit in my work and a sense of humor, but I do not use irony in any way

— John Zorn