Quote by Nick Pageant

“I like trees, they will someday be books.”

— Nick Pageant

“I was not raped! I had a boxing lesson! Are you both crazy?”

— Nick Pageant

“You said that like a movie title.” “I know. I was thinking of Bill and Ted.” “You think our sex life is like an…

— Nick Pageant

“Thanks for the penis, God. I don’t have the balls to be a woman.”

— Nick Pageant

“I was one sexy, cardigan-clad HoMoFo.”

— Nick Pageant

“Whatever this guy was about to dish out, I was prepared to respond with, “Thank you, sir, and, may I have another?”

— Nick Pageant

“I got several slaps on my bare ass from the strangers who had just watched me take a beating. I decided boxing is super-gay.…

— Nick Pageant

“Fine, Gran. I’ll fist his ass.”

— Nick Pageant

“She's a lot more than nice," Gran said with a leer, "after our last date, I came home with my face looking like a…

— Nick Pageant

“As for the dick, sorry, nothing to write home about. It’s perfectly average, but looks great since it’s attached to an undersized body. These…

— nick pageant

“I mean, are you even really gay?” I sighed. “Of course I’m gay. I’ve got something up my butt right now.” Twyla’s eyes widened…

— Nick Pageant

“I held a beautiful leather-bound copy of Moby Dick in one hand and my Moby dick in the other.”

— Nick Pageant