Christmas Quote by Milton Berle

My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.

— Phyllis Diller

“One year on Christmas Eve he told us that Santa wasn’t giving out any presents because he was depressed and suicidal.”

— John Leguizamo

“Most kids grow up leaving something out for Santa at Christmas time when he comes down the chimney. I used to make presents for…

— Jeanette Winterson

There is something about spending Christmas alone, naked, sitting by the Christmas tree gripping a shotgun, that lets you know your life is spinning…

— Nikki Sixx

Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn -…

— Rodney Dangerfield

“There is something about Christmas that requires a rug rat. Little kids make Christmas fun. I wonder if could rent one for the holidays.…

— Laurie Halse Anderson

My mom and dad always tried to make Christmas special for us. We were poor, but it's funny because we had no idea.

— Johnny Mathis

“Christmas was always the worst… What’s the point of Christmas without any kids to share it with?”

— Zidrou

Well when I was a kid, I asked Santa Claus for some toys. Santa Claus wrote me a letter that he lost his bag.…

— Benicio Del Toro

One time I asked Brasky to dress up as Santa for a Christmas party I was having for my children. Anyway, Brasky shows up…

— Bill Brasky

“I stopped keeping an eye out for Santa Claus on Christmas Eve because, when I was five, my mother told me that Santa was…

— Dean Koontz

I called my wife up on the cell phone and said baby you aint gonna believe this, i go, we just hit a deer…

— Bill Engvall