Ifs Quote by Mallory Ortberg

“If just one person touches you without your permission, stepping back and saying clearly, "Please don't touch me" should get them to stop.” quote by Mallory Ortberg — Download Open image

“If just one person touches you without your permission, stepping back and saying clearly, "Please don't touch me" should get them to stop.”

Mallory Ortberg

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Ifs Just one Permission Persons Please Should Stepping back Touch me

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Not wanting to give everyone in your life one of your kidneys is not the same thing as hoping they die of kidney failure.

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I agree that biphobia is real, but I think it's absolutely worth considering that someone who "despises" having sex with her husband - and…

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If you get a dog, take care of your dog! You can just not have a dog if you don't feel like taking care…

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It is so tempting to return rudeness with rudeness!

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I think that it's a great idea to have honest conversations about children before getting married. I also think it's impossible to promise someone, "What I want right now will never change, and as long as I promise you I do - or don't - want a child - or a specific number of children - before we get married,…

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Don't beat yourself up over what you dream about.

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One of the glorious things about being a person in the world is that you don't have to worry about whether or not someone…

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You need to be able to express your resentment and sense of loss in a way that doesn't damage your partner.

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Some people give gifts in order to bewilder, confuse, and manipulate their recipients.

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Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are.

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The mere idea of asking a family member if they intentionally stopped sending me an annual bonus makes me feel like breaking out in…

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You have a right to be treated professionally at work, and it's your supervisor's job to make sure all their employees can perform their…

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Explore all 93 Mallory Ortberg quotes

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Women still, when they have breast cancer, go to work; they still lead their lives. They have to. I just did what I was supposed to do. I didn't want to exploit it or be too "actory" about it, if that makes any sense. That's also why I didn't shave my head; I feel like you have to earn that.…

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Most of us are convinced that we are our egos, which is who we think we are. The ego is part of our incarnation.…

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Histories never conclude; they just pause their prose. Their stories are, if they are truthful, untidy affairs, resistant to windings-up and sortings-out. They beat…

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If you ask an introvert a question, wait until she thinks about it. Introverts think before speaking, not through speaking. If you want to…

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Many individuals spend a considerable portion of their lifetimes in terror of one imagined catastrophe or another. The classic is that your immortal soul will be consigned to eternal torment in the never-ending subterranean barbecue if you fail to follow the whacky edicts of one particular set of puckered dogwhistles or another. You may recall from the great movie Strange…

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Obviously, if you don't love life, you can't enjoy an oyster.

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If I don't have pressure, I don't function.

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If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong.

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I understand that it's the music that keeps me alive... That's my lifeblood. And to give that up for, like, the TV, the cars, the houses - that's not the American dream. That's the booby prize, in the end. Those are the booby prizes. And if you fall for them - if, when you achieve them, you believe that this…

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If we gave up our freedom as the price of security, we would no longer be the great nation that we are.

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If my campaign is not in the debate, we will not be talking about how we really fix this problem of endless and expanding war, why we need to cut the military budget by 50%, why we need to bring back our troops scattered overseas, the police force of the world, in over a hundred countries, something like eight hundred…

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