"My new years resolution? I will be less…" — Jim Gaffigan

"My new years resolution? I will be less laz..."

— Jim Gaffigan

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99 Quotes by Jim Gaffigan

Jim Gaffigan has 99 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:

Oh great, socks. You know I'm dying for your sins right? Yeah, but thanks for the socks! They'll go great…
Bacon bits are like the fairy dust of the food community.
There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your…
Whenever one of my children says, 'Goodnight, Daddy,' I always think to myself, 'You don't mean that.
Hey, people who travel with their bed pillow. You look insane.
Failing and laughing at your own shortcomings are the hallmarks of a sane parent.
Without Valentine's Day, February would be... well, January.
It's so obvious The Weather Channel is pro hurricane. Fair and balanced my ass.
Thanksgiving. It's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. 'Hey, how…
Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.
There were times in my life when I had one thing to do all day, but I still couldn’t get…
If camping is so great, why are the bugs always trying to get in your house?

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More Funny Quotes

This quote is filed under Funny Quotes, one of 52,060 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:

To be free in an age like ours, one must be in a position of authority. That in itself would… — Hannah Arendt
These are the fifties, you know. The disgusting, posturing fifties. — Hannah Arendt
I'm literally open to any medium that will have me. — J. J. Abrams
We must all make peace so that we can all live in peace. — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. — Aristotle
There is no great genius without a mixture of madness. — Aristotle
I hope to make movies that are so small they don't need to make anything to be profitable. — J. J. Abrams
I love recording music. — J. J. Abrams
Hope is the dream of a waking man. — Aristotle
Education is the best provision for old age. — Aristotle
I've had the same friends since I was in kindergarten. — J. J. Abrams
I also have this incredible love for women. — Kevyn Aucoin

See all 52,060 Funny Quotes »