"If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking……" — Jack Handey

"If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose."

— Jack Handey

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397 Quotes by Jack Handey

Jack Handey has 397 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:

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More Beer Quotes

This quote is filed under Beer Quotes, one of 1,136 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:

High thoughts must have high language. — Aristophanes
Some books are undeservedly forgotten; none are undeservedly remembered. — Wystan Hugh Auden
A drink a day keeps the shrink away. — Edward Abbey
A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom… — Roseanne Barr
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to… — Dave Barry
You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. — Dave Barry
What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death. — Dave Barry
What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another person, especially… — Dave Barry
Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore? — Henry Ward Beecher
I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger,… — Brendan Behan
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing. — Robert Benchley
I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry. — Robert Benchley

See all 1,136 Beer Quotes »