Ifs Quote by Eugene Mirman

The truth is, for however much my stories come out of things that have happened to me, they're not darkly or as deeply personal…

— Eugene Mirman

I don't know what it would be like to actually play guitar. I've toured with a lot of comedians and it's never been like…

— Eugene Mirman

What do you think you should do if you're attacked by a bear? Play dead? No - that's a lie promoted by the bears.

— Eugene Mirman

People used to make fun of alternative comedy because sometimes it would be someone being funny, and sometimes it was a crazy man with…

— Eugene Mirman

One of the best things I found out about Detroit is that bears have started returning to the city. When bears are gentrifying your…

— Eugene Mirman

I don't have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.

— Eugene Mirman

“This book is a guide to living life the right way, like the Bible is for crazies and weak people (JK, bro), this book…

— Eugene Mirman

In this time of recession, it is the time for invention. Did you know both the telephone and the automobile were invented during recessions?…

— Eugene Mirman

Of course, to avoid getting stuck in that convo with someone you dislike or feel uncomfortable around, don't be passive, be proactive. Do not…

— Eugene Mirman

Imagine the wars we would've avoided if prior generations had a website where they could debate tragedy and politics in terse sentences?

— Eugene Mirman

You can do anything you want, as long as it works.

— Eugene Mirman

For a short period of time, I was like, I have these jokes and if people get them, they get them. And then eventually,…

— Eugene Mirman