Masturbate Quotes
58 quotes by 39 authors
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Be strong, believe in freedom and in God, love yourself, understand your sexuality, have a sense of humor, masturbate, don't judge people by their religion,…
— Madonna Ciccone
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If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
— George Carlin
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Every time I talk to a fancy journalist and they ask what I do in my free time my scumbag brain goes 'say masturbate, it'll…
— Anna Kendrick
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If I want low-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate. If I want high-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate again.
— Dennis Miller
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If I wanted to see Jonah Hill masturbate at a pool party, I'd go to one of Jonah Hill's pool parties.
— Amy Poehler
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I'm very romantic when I masturbate. Sometimes I light a candle...then I try and shoot it out. It's like a carnival.
— Dave Attell
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I want to make a movie that has enough impact that it's going to do what it needs to do. But I don't want to…
— David Fincher
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The Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery. So you can't masturbate without lust.
— Christine O'Donnell
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It is not enough to be abstinent with other people, you also have to be abstinent alone. The Bible says that lust in your heart…
— Christine O'Donnell
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We know that more than seventy to eighty percent of women masturbate, and ninety percent of men masturbate, and the rest lie.
— Joycelyn Elders
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I was stuck in traffic one day and just kinda thought it would be funny to masturbate. It was sunny and clear out, so I…
— Zach Braff
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Unlike the millions who casually masturbate in solitude while looking at girlie pictures in Playboy and similar magazines, the massage man preferred an accomplice, an…
— Gay Talese
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I would cook it, and look at the pictures and masturbate.
— Jeffrey Dahmer
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Those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones; or masturbate during the daytime.
— Unknown Author
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Regard yourself as a small corporation of one. Take yourself off on team-building exercises (long walks). Hold a Christmas party every year at which you…
— Will Self
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Wrap the turkey up in aluminum foil, my brother like to masturbate with baby oil.
— Adam Sandler
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You just sit home and masturbate. The phone is going to ring soon, but you just can't wait.
— Billy Joel
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Above all others I pity the homeless: where can they go to masturbate?
— Robert Clark
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The earlier you learn to masturbate, the better your sex life will be.
— Kim Cattrall
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Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot actually masturbate.
— Dave Barry
Who Wrote These Masturbate Quotes
39 authors contributed a total of 58 Masturbate Quotes, led by these top contributors: