Masturbate Quotes

58 quotes by 39 authors

Be strong, believe in freedom and in God, love yourself, understand your sexuality, have a sense of humor, masturbate, don't judge people by their religion,… — Madonna Ciccone
If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter. — George Carlin
Every time I talk to a fancy journalist and they ask what I do in my free time my scumbag brain goes 'say masturbate, it'll… — Anna Kendrick
If I want low-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate. If I want high-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate again. — Dennis Miller
If I wanted to see Jonah Hill masturbate at a pool party, I'd go to one of Jonah Hill's pool parties. — Amy Poehler
I'm very romantic when I masturbate. Sometimes I light a candle...then I try and shoot it out. It's like a carnival. — Dave Attell
I want to make a movie that has enough impact that it's going to do what it needs to do. But I don't want to… — David Fincher
The Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery. So you can't masturbate without lust. — Christine O'Donnell
It is not enough to be abstinent with other people, you also have to be abstinent alone. The Bible says that lust in your heart… — Christine O'Donnell
We know that more than seventy to eighty percent of women masturbate, and ninety percent of men masturbate, and the rest lie. — Joycelyn Elders
I was stuck in traffic one day and just kinda thought it would be funny to masturbate. It was sunny and clear out, so I… — Zach Braff
Unlike the millions who casually masturbate in solitude while looking at girlie pictures in Playboy and similar magazines, the massage man preferred an accomplice, an… — Gay Talese
I would cook it, and look at the pictures and masturbate. — Jeffrey Dahmer
Those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones; or masturbate during the daytime. — Unknown Author
Regard yourself as a small corporation of one. Take yourself off on team-building exercises (long walks). Hold a Christmas party every year at which you… — Will Self
Wrap the turkey up in aluminum foil, my brother like to masturbate with baby oil. — Adam Sandler
You just sit home and masturbate. The phone is going to ring soon, but you just can't wait. — Billy Joel
Above all others I pity the homeless: where can they go to masturbate? — Robert Clark
The earlier you learn to masturbate, the better your sex life will be. — Kim Cattrall
Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot actually masturbate. — Dave Barry

Who Wrote These Masturbate Quotes

39 authors contributed a total of 58 Masturbate Quotes, led by these top contributors: