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More Quotes by Anthony Jeselnik

Anthony Jeselnik has 30 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:

• I've got a long history of suicid in my family; the good news is it skips a generation, so, if I'm lucky,…
• This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend for months in advance that all I wanted was an Xbox. That's it. Beginning and…
• My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person... so I can get a better girlfriend.
• Mike Tyson, what can I say about you that hasn’t already been the title of a Richard Pryor album?
• Charlie Sheen called his boss on 'Two and a Half Men' a 'Jew ki**' and expected to go back to work. That’s crazy.…
• God, that Anthony Jeselnik Show sounds really funny.
• My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut. I don't understand why she's crying. I'm the one who has to get a…
• Katey Sagal, you are an incredible actress. You worked on ‘Married with Children,’ the show that changed comedy, ‘Sons of Anarchy,’ the…
• You know how everybody has that one weird creepy uncle? Well, Seth Green looks like he got raped by all of them.
• Ellen Barkin, your upcoming TV show ‘The New Normal’ premiers on September 11th. September 11th, that sounds about right. Every clip I’ve…
• Wayne Brady, I don’t understand why people keep joking that you’re not black. Wayne Brady, you are BLACK. After all, I only…
• The world is full of horrible things...

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