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Like Hey Quotes by Bill Engvall
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More Quotes by Bill Engvall
Bill Engvall has 26 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:
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My wife and I had an argument last week that was so stupid, that it bears repeating. My wife collects twist ties...welcome…
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There's a group in California that wants to make suicide a capital offense punishable by death. That's like punishing someone for being…
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I called my wife up on the cell phone and said baby you aint gonna believe this, i go, we just hit…
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I go "I just want a cup of black coffee." She goes "Do you want to try a biscotti? They're from Italy…
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He knows all the golf lingo. You know? You hit your ball, he's like "there's a golf shot. That's a golf shot."…
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I've come up with the three things you never want to hear at your kid's parent/teacher conference. Number one: 'You're only responsible…
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Ketchup is great on hamburgers, but if some gets on your shirt, that does not make your shirt also a hamburger.
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I might have tried bungee jumping, until I saw that video of that guy whose cord came untied. He didn't know it…
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So finally, on about the fifteenth tee, I hit the drive of my life. And any of you people who play golf,…
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Hat's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already…
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This guy from L.A. sits down next to me, and he says 'you like baseball?' I said, 'Oh, man, I love baseball.'…
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I hit two trees and fell down a ditch. And that was just walking from the lodge.
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How'd we come up with the robe? Was some guy just like, 'Hey, I've got an idea! Why don't we make a…
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I think I've always had a 40-year-old body, and now that I'm actually there I'm like, 'Hey, pretty good, huh?'
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My parents have Google Alerts on me. So they'll often times send me an e-mail and be like, 'Hey did you know…
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Sometimes I stand in store windows and pretend to be a mannequin. People are like 'hey, that mannequin looks alot like thom…
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It's not that I don't want to, it's just that there's no money in it. By that I mean the way the…
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If I lived in the Wild West days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That…
— Jack Handey
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Male comics are always coming up to me and they're like 'Hey Natasha. Don't you think you're a little attractive to be…
— Natasha Leggero
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My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light…
— Mitch Hedberg
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