Best Humour Thoughts

554 Humour quotes by 412 unique authors

The real story of our times is seldom told in the horse-puckey-filled memoirs of dopey, self-serving presidents or generals, but in the outrageous, demented lives… — Harlan Ellison
The monster has escaped Elba!" "The tyrant has landed at Cannes!" "Bonaparte meets the troops." "Napoleon approaches Paris." "His Imperial Majesty has entered the capital. — David Frum
You can decide to invade Russia at dinner, pick Waterloo for battle on a whim. It's the details, the small stuff. Its easy to gamble… — Dwight D. Eisenhower
I also ache at that thought your majesty... But if they do not offer the sacrifice in blood now, we will all pay dearly with… — Dwight D. Eisenhower
You realise Group Captain that this might be the most important weather forecast in history? — Dwight D. Eisenhower
One minute I'm exactly what Churchill described me the most powerful man in history. Now the Order's given, hell; I'm just audience front row center… — Dwight D. Eisenhower
Of course Overlord did not fail. How could it? With some many fine young men and women from all corners of the earth all determined… — Dwight D. Eisenhower
One never really knows how much one has been touched by a place until one has left it. — Thomas Jefferson
It takes all sorts to make a world - saints as well as soldiers. — Anthony Anderson
The Japanese couldn't have been all bad during World War II. Look at all the movies Hollywood was able to make on account of them.… — Pat Morita
Our men must win or die. Pompey's men have... other options. — Julius Caesar
When confronted by a hungry wolf, it is unwise to goad the beast, as Cato would have us do. But it is equally unwise to… — Marcus Tullius Cicero
Please go on, make your threats. I don't like to submit to mere implication. — Marcus Tullius Cicero
Is he a good man?" "Define 'good'. — Cleopatra
It hardly needs explaining at length, I think, how much authority or beauty is added to style by the timely use of proverbs. In the… — Desiderius Erasmus
I think of myself as a writer with a sense of humour rather than a comedy writer. Happy to tell a story with lots of… — Steven Moffat
I try to offset any tendency towards the macabre with humour. As I see it, this is a typically English form of humour. It's a… — Alfred Hitchcock
You can't take yourself too seriously. — LeRoy Neiman
I was worried people would laugh at me when I started to talk the language, but they were just pleasantly surprised that I could. The… — Parminder Nagra
I'm just an actor. If it's drama, I add as much humour as the part will stand. And if it's a comedy, add as much… — Michael Pena
I think that Americans find the Australian humour and the energy of Australians very refreshing - we are quite self-deprecating, we're light-hearted and can have… — Teresa Palmer
There's such a unique humour in Wales that I just love and miss in Los Angeles. — Matthew Rhys
I'm always impressed by confidence, kindness and a sense of humour. — Tamara Mellon
I can't be funny if my feet don't feel right. — Billy Crystal
The old water heater in my dressing room was working, but it was kind of tired. It gave off about as much warmth as an… — Bob Hope

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412 authors contributed a total of 554 Humour Quotes, led by these top contributors:

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