Best Funny Relationship Lines
164 Funny Relationship quotes by 123 unique authors
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Whatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
— Charlotte Whitton
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I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good characters, and my enemies for their intellects. A man cannot be too…
— Oscar Wilde
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He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
— Oscar Wilde
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Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people whom we personally dislike.
— Oscar Wilde
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Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
— Oscar Wilde
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Assumptions are the termites of relationships.
— Henry Winkler
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Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little…
— Henny Youngman
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner,…
— Henny Youngman
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The only true love is love at first sight; second sight dispels it.
— Israel Zangwill
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It's no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn't even speak to…
— Nick Hornby
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In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I…
— Jane Austen
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My first time I jacked off, I thought I'd invented it. I looked down at my sloppy handful of junk and thought, This is going…
— Chuck Palahniuk
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When we're incomplete, we're always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find…
— Tom Robbins
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The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
— Robert Bloch
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It's been so long since I made love I can't even remember who gets tied up.
— Joan Rivers
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We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.
— Lily Tomlin
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I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest…
— Mark Twain
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I have lost friends, some by death...others by sheer inability to cross the street.
— Virginia Woolf
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
— George Carlin
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Women are cursed, and men are the proof.
— Roseanne Barr
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If Jack's in love, he's no judge of Jill's beauty.
— Benjamin Franklin
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I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.
— Chelsea Handler
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Relationships dont always make sense. Especially from the outside
— Sarah Dessen
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Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person; having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all…
— George Eliot
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good girls go to heaven and bad girls go everywhere
— Helen Gurley Brown
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Who Wrote These Funny Relationship Quotes
123 authors contributed a total of 164 Funny Relationship Quotes, led by these top contributors: