Best Funny Marriage Lines
244 Funny Marriage quotes by 163 unique authors
-
Never get married in college; it's hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you've already made one mistake.
— Elbert Hubbard
-
If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.
— Kin Hubbard
-
I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second,…
— Lyndon B. Johnson
-
Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get…
— Jean Kerr
-
Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
— Alan King
-
If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.
— Alan King
-
I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
— Sam Kinison
-
Marriage is neither heaven nor hell, it is simply purgatory.
— Abraham Lincoln
-
The best way to get husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they are too old to do it.
— Shirley MacLaine
-
Marriage is a very good thing, but I think it's a mistake to make a habit out of it.
— W. Somerset Maugham
-
We don't love qualities, we love persons; sometimes by reason of their defects as well as of their qualities.
— Thomas Mann
-
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
— Groucho Marx
-
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
— Groucho Marx
-
A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.
— Andre Maurois
-
If you made a list of reasons why any couple got married, and another list of the reasons for their divorce, you'd have a hell…
— Mignon McLaughlin
-
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.
— H. L. Mencken
-
No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single.
— H. L. Mencken
-
Alimony - the ransom that the happy pay to the devil.
— H. L. Mencken
-
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
— Michel de Montaigne
-
If you remember me, then I don't care if everyone else forgets.
— Haruki Murakami
-
The great secret of a successful marriage is to treat all disasters as incidents and none of the incidents as disasters.
— Harold Nicolson
-
Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good…
— P.J. O'Rourke
-
Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time.
— Chris Rock
-
A married couple are well suited when both partners usually feel the need for a quarrel at the same time.
— Jean Rostand
-
One man's folly is another man's wife.
— Helen Rowland
More Ways to Read Funny Marriage Quotes
Who Wrote These Funny Marriage Quotes
163 authors contributed a total of 244 Funny Marriage Quotes, led by these top contributors: