Robert Benchley Quotes

89 quotes in 1239 categories

• I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.
• Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
• A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.
• Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm…
• A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
• In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.
• Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?
• The freelance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.
• Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
• Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.
• Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous.
• I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.
• After an author has been dead for some time, it becomes increasingly difficult for his publishers to get a new book out of him each…
• Anyone who tries to keep track of what is happening in China is going to end up by wearing all the skin of his left…
• I have been told by hospital authorities that more copies of my works are left behind by departing patients than those of any other author.
• If Mr. Einstein doesn't like the natural laws of the universe, let him go back to where he came from.
• The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
• We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born.
• A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so…
• An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens.

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