Robert Benchley Quotes
89 quotes
in 1239 categories
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I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.
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Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
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A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.
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Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm…
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A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
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In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.
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Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?
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The freelance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.
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Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
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Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.
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Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous.
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I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.
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After an author has been dead for some time, it becomes increasingly difficult for his publishers to get a new book out of him each…
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Anyone who tries to keep track of what is happening in China is going to end up by wearing all the skin of his left…
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I have been told by hospital authorities that more copies of my works are left behind by departing patients than those of any other author.
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If Mr. Einstein doesn't like the natural laws of the universe, let him go back to where he came from.
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The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
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We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born.
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A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so…
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An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens.
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