“It takes more than one kick in the pants to reverse a lifetime of unplanned apathy.” — Paul Neilan Copy Share Image
I hate bananas. I just hate them. But I also think a banana suit is the funniest fruit costume a person can… — Paul Neilan Also Copy Share Image
“It was nice of her to want to believe the best about me. People tend to do that with the strangers they're… — Paul Neilan Apathy Copy Share Image
Cowardice, when done correctly, can be its own kind of bravery. — Paul Neilan Bravery Copy Share Image
If Tolstoy were alive today and working at Panopticon Insurance, he'd say that all insurance companies are the same, then throw himself… — Paul Neilan Alive Copy Share Image
Anybody can make something up and have it sound believable. The hard part is remembering all the lies you've told, and all… — Paul Neilan Anybody Copy Share Image
“Sitting on my stool I thought of a bumper sticker: "If Mean People Suck, Why Isn't My Dick In Your Mouth?” — Paul Neilan Bumper sticker Copy Share Image
There comes a time in every man's life when he wakes up drunk on the toilet and begins to doubt the choices… — Paul Neilan Choices Copy Share Image
“Buy it for anyone you know who cries in the shower, who drinks in the morning, whose life only has meaning when… — Paul Neilan Great person Copy Share Image
“Buy it for the lady who’s about to become your mother-in-law, the one who’s already trying to control your life and the… — Paul Neilan Books Copy Share Image
“Sometimes the questions are more important than the answers, especially when you do not know what the answers are. I didn't give… — Paul Neilan Favourite Copy Share Image
“Two wrongs don't make a right but sometimes they make me laugh. I am a vengeful god.” — Paul Neilan Copy Share Image
at first I thought you were just using me" she said "I definitely am." I just wasn't sure for what. "Asshole!" she… — Paul Neilan Assuming Copy Share Image
It’s like someone who prays every night saying God’s a good listener. Just because you’re talking to us doesn’t mean we’re listening.… — Paul Neilan Every night Copy Share Image
Mockery when done without prejudice or discretion, can be a form of respect. It's the closest we'll ever come to true equality. — Paul Neilan Discretion Copy Share Image
“There’s nothing about me on the jacket because I have no credentials. I majored in English at school, but I only took… — Paul Neilan Creative writing Copy Share Image
The world is your oyster... ...too bad you're allergic to shellfish. — Paul Neilan Allergic Copy Share Image
“I’d never actually talked to a deaf person before but I’d been swimming and gotten water stuck in my ears lots of… — Paul Neilan Apathy Copy Share Image
“Whenever I'm leaving I get sentimental for that nostalgia I know I won't have the next day.” — Paul Neilan Next day Copy Share Image
“It was horrifying. Khaki pants and polo shirts and exclamation points at the end of every sentence. Each introduction was like a… — Paul Neilan Copy Share Image
“It’s real hard to come off as even slightly superior when you’re living a Tom and Jerry episode.” — Paul Neilan Tom and jerry Copy Share Image
“Buy this book or I’ll take it personally, and I will have my revenge. I’ll steal your girlfriend or make out with… — Paul Neilan Books Copy Share Image
In the long term everyone traffics in foregone conclusions, and in the short term they just get drunk. This is the way… — Paul Neilan Ambiguity Copy Share Image
“Nobody knows how to just shut the fuck up and look out the window anymore.” — Paul Neilan Nobody knows Copy Share Image
“There are chickens, there are eggs, there are deaf girls singing karaoke. Nothing makes sense anymore.” — Paul Neilan Copy Share Image
