P. J. O'Rourke

Writing this book required an enormous amount of help from friends. To them goes the credit. I'll take the money.

— P. J. O'Rourke

I think that humor has become a principle means of communication among Americans about politics.

— P. J. O'Rourke

The First Amendment only says 'Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion.' It can disrespect all it wants.

— P. J. O'Rourke

One of the reporters must have flunked journalism school because he asked a question that went straight to the point.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Disney's Tomorrowland is deeply, thoroughly, almost furiously unimaginative.

— P. J. O'Rourke

I like making things. I have a wood shop at home. I am a terrible carpenter but I love doing it.

— P. J. O'Rourke

I've got a 1990 Porsche 911. It's just a Carrera, a very simple, straightforward little thing that goes like stink. I love it.

— P. J. O'Rourke

If death weren't around to 'finalize' the Darwinian process, we'd all still be amoebas.

— P. J. O'Rourke

You read [Bill ] Maher's book, and he didn't take Econ 101. All his arguments about gasoline, it's not that they're right…

— P. J. O'Rourke

The only advantage to being a middle-aged man is that when you put on a jacket and tie, you're the Scary Dad.…

— P. J. O'Rourke

I think it's always easy to be sympathetic to parts of the government in detail; in their concrete manifestations. Because obviously, we…

— P. J. O'Rourke

The idea of a stag hunt evokes chivalry - knights in jerkins and hose, ladies on sidesaddles with wimples and billowing dresses,…

— P. J. O'Rourke

I come from Toledo, Ohio, a town that has been hurt badly by the shift of the automobile business towards Japan. And…

— P. J. O'Rourke

We have the British motor industry as a role model for what happens when you try to save an industrial dinosaur. Britain…

— P. J. O'Rourke

A friend of mine at the American Enterprise Institute says there are two parties: the silly party and the stupid party. I'm…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Why do elites hate the poor? It's xenophobia. They don't know any poor people - except their off-the-books Brazilian nanny and illegal…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.

— P. J. O'Rourke

There's something about Marxism that brings out warts; the only kind of growth this economic system encourages.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Italy is not technically part of the Third World, but no one has told the Italians.

— P. J. O'Rourke

I'm not a tech-savvy parent. I communicate with my children via the old-media format called yelling.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Never strike anyone so old, small or weak that verbal abuse would have sufficed.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

— P. J. O'Rourke

In Israel, waves of anger and fear circulate all the time, but so do jokes and gossip and silky evening breezes. So,…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Democrats hate stay-at-home spouses, no matter what gender or gender preference.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Southern California is a nice place, if you could cut out the show-business cancer. It just keeps spreading.

— P. J. O'Rourke

I rarely meet a politician that I don't like personally. They are generally well endowed with charm. Therein lies the danger.

— P. J. O'Rourke

It's better to make fun of yourself because you've always got someone around to make fun of, and they can't sue you.

— P. J. O'Rourke

The Bible is very clear about one thing: Using politics to create fairness is a sin.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.

— P. J. O'Rourke

I covered the Lebanese civil war. I could see a place that had once been prosperous and now was impoverished. I'm not…

— P. J. O'Rourke

College professors used to be badly paid and worth it. Colleges used to be modest institutions; they should go back to being…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Stay away from girls who cry a lot or who look like they get pregnant easily or have careers.

— P. J. O'Rourke

What Enron was doing, what caused investors to embrace it in a rapture of baffled awe, was hiding debt.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Harvard has been almost as important to the American Jewish community as the pork-sausage industry.

— P. J. O'Rourke

America is not doctrinaire. It's hard for an American politician to come up with an ideological position that is permanently unforgivable.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Jeans fit the mature male one of two ways, both dirigible in nature. You make a public impression that's either Hindenburg or…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Some people are worried about the difference between right and wrong. I'm worried about the difference between wrong and fun.

— P. J. O'Rourke

I'm old enough to remember when the air over American cities was a lot dirtier than it is now.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Good manners consist of doing precisely what everyone thinks should be done, especially when no one knows quite what that is.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Some people think that welfare reform should have hurt Bill Clinton with black voters.

— P. J. O'Rourke