A 'farm' today means 100,000 chickens in a space the size of a Motel 6 shower stall. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
There are a lot of mysterious things about boats, such as why anyone would get on one voluntarily. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
A very quiet and tasteful way to be famous is to have a famous relative. Then you can not only be nothing,… — P. J. O'Rourke Fame Copy Share Image
My Grandmother wouldn't even speak the word Democrat if there were children in the room, she'd say Bastards instead. — P. J. O'Rourke Children Copy Share Image
Moviemakers are rewarded with tax write-offs if, when seeking a location that looks like America, they seek it in America. — P. J. O'Rourke America Copy Share Image
Walt is dead. And, after a couple of hours at Epcot, you'll wish you were, too. — P. J. O'Rourke Couple Copy Share Image
And, by the way, how come all the people who were so in favor of unilateral nuclear disarmament are so opposed to… — P. J. O'Rourke Disarmament Copy Share Image
Tom DeLay may or may not have broken campaign finance laws, but he did his best to look like he was breaking… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't… — P. J. O'Rourke Drugs Copy Share Image
Dates used to be made days or even weeks in advance. Now dates tend to be made the day after. That is,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Even the dumber parts of our government are not run by idiots. These are ordinary people like us, doing a job. By… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
We will win an election when all the seats in the House and Senate and the chair behind the desk in the… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less… — P. J. O'Rourke Amusing Copy Share Image
There was an austerely dignified award ceremony. By that I mean we had to buy our own drinks - in clear violation… — P. J. O'Rourke Award ceremonies Copy Share Image
No doubt the ridiculous politicians are right to like politics. They have found careers in which success can be achieved by being… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Imagine a weight-loss program at the end of which, instead of better health, good looks, and hot romantic prospects, you die. Somalia… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Governments have monopolies on certain things, like eminent domain and deadly force. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
There are two factors in American politics that may seem strange to Europeans: race and religion. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In the language of politics, there is only one translation for the phrase 'hope and change,' to wit: 'big, fat government.' — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
After the events of the 20th century, God, quite reasonably, left Europe. But He's still here in the United States. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Then there was LSD, which was supposed to make you think you could fly. I remember it made you think you couldn't… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Californians devised a system of electricity sales that ignored every dimension of the free market. — P. J. O'Rourke Californians Copy Share Image
I've decided that my motto in life is "Get off my lawn." It's the right answer to everything. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat -… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If I give up drinking, smoking, and fatty foods, I can add ten years to my life. Trouble is, I'll add it… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
America gives every appearance of being a nation besotted with trashiness - divorce, illegitimacy, casual Fridays. — P. J. O'Rourke America Copy Share Image
My working hypothesis is that stupidity in popular culture is a constant. Popular culture cannot get more stupid. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
When I became a man, I put away childish things and got more elaborate and expensive childish things from France and Japan. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
“Political pundits are under professional obligation to regard the obvious as being too obvious.” — P. J. O'Rourke Journalism Copy Share Image
Most people sort of enjoy going to work because of the socialisation, a chance to flirt with co-workers and so on, but… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I went back to bumming around New York, writing freelance stuff for Car & Driver and such. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Idealism is based on big ideas. And, as anybody who has ever been asked "What's the big idea?" knows, most big ideas… — P. J. O'Rourke Big idea Copy Share Image
Politics is the business of getting power and privilege without possessing merit — P. J. O'Rourke Business Copy Share Image
The people who despise America are the editors of the 'New Statesman.' Their green-card applications must have been turned down. — P. J. O'Rourke America Copy Share Image
Arguing, in the sense of attempting to convince others, has gone out of fashion with conservatives. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Michael O'Donoghue was a very close friend of mine - very encouraging with my stuff, and really a great guy - but… — P. J. O'Rourke Close friends Copy Share Image
A person has got to balance work and life and family in order to be a balanced person. — P. J. O'Rourke Balance Copy Share Image
God has no role to play in politics except to make sure politicians go where they belong. To hell. — P. J. O'Rourke Hell Copy Share Image
In the wake of Animal House, all of us at the Lampoon had a lot of Hollywood opportunities. We could definitely get… — P. J. O'Rourke Animal Copy Share Image
The Italians have had 2,000 years to fix up the Forum and just look at the place! — P. J. O'Rourke Forums Copy Share Image
