From National Lampoon, you go directly to Saturday Night Live, because it's a lot of the same people. — P. J. O'Rourke Lampoon Copy Share Image
A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If I bring anything to the table, it's the fact that not everybody realizes they're funny. So I just point a finger. — P. J. O'Rourke Comedy Copy Share Image
Predicting innovation is something of a self-canceling exercise: the most probable innovations are probably the least innovative. — P. J. O'Rourke Exercise Copy Share Image
El Salvador has the scenery of northern California and the climate of southern California plus - and this was a relief -… — P. J. O'Rourke California Copy Share Image
No industry in living memory has collapsed faster than daily print journalism. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Not being a liberal, I have very little grasp of things that I know nothing about. — P. J. O'Rourke Funny Copy Share Image
When the government runs out of lenders, it can do something that households are forbidden to do: print money. — P. J. O'Rourke Family Copy Share Image
There are plenty of problems in the world, and doubtless climate change - or whatever the currently voguish phrase for it all… — P. J. O'Rourke Change Copy Share Image
There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and… — P. J. O'Rourke Alcoholics Copy Share Image
Tel Aviv is new, built on the sand dunes north of Jaffa in the 1890s, about the same time Miami was founded.… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In Henry Adams, I discovered not only the prototype of the modern thinker but also someone who is more interesting: a viper-toothed,… — P. J. O'Rourke Aging Copy Share Image
I look around my house, and everything except the kids and dogs was made in China. And I'm not sure about the… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Californians are people who insist on growing their own vegetables, but they won't dig up the pretty lawn, won't plant anything for… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The good news is that, according to the Obama administration, the rich will pay for everything. The bad news is that, according… — P. J. O'Rourke Administration Copy Share Image
If we were to inspect ourselves or members of our family and our friends, we would see that we don't really have… — P. J. O'Rourke Family Copy Share Image
Bill Maher can be pretty good, except when he gets "important." Maher's all over the place politically. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I don't watch much television. Yeah, that's pretty funny. I don't know where The Daily Show stand politically, do you? — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If we do our deficit spending on weapons, at least we get weapons. Then if we need weapons, we have them. If… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick. — P. J. O'Rourke Funny golf Copy Share Image
Wearing a hat implies that you are bald if you are a man and that your hair is dirty if you are… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Australian language is easier to learn than boat talk. It has a vocabulary of about six words. — P. J. O'Rourke Australia Copy Share Image
Maybe a nation that consumes as much booze and dope as we do and has our kind of divorce statistics should pipe… — P. J. O'Rourke Booze Copy Share Image
There's not a woman in the book, the plot hinges on unkindness to animals, and the black characters mostly drown by Chapter 29. — P. J. O'Rourke Animal Copy Share Image
When a private entity does not produce the desired results, it is (certain body parts excepted) done away with. But a public… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Demolishing pretensions, especially worthy ones, is a hallmark of the baby boom. — P. J. O'Rourke Baby Copy Share Image
Accuse a person of breaking all Ten Commandments, and you've written the promo blurb for the dust cover of his tell-all memoir. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
All lies are told with a straight face. It is truth that's said with a dismissive giggle. — P. J. O'Rourke Altruism Copy Share Image
What would be a road hazard anywhere else, in the Third World is probably the road. — P. J. O'Rourke Hazard Copy Share Image
The budget doesn't have much control over the government. Then again, the government doesn't have much control over the budget. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I suppose I should get a VCR, but the only thing I like about television is its ephemerality. — P. J. O'Rourke Ephemerality Copy Share Image
Hunter S. Thompson brings a lunatic genius to ordinary events, and I bring an ordinary sensibility to lunatic events. — P. J. O'Rourke Events Copy Share Image
Remember, your body needs 6 to 8 glasses of fluid daily. Straight up or on the rocks. — P. J. O'Rourke Alcohol Copy Share Image
There aren't many political humorists. Dave Barry is excellent, but he doesn't do it much. — P. J. O'Rourke Comedy Copy Share Image
Mike Kelly [from The Atlantic] called me up and said he could pay me less money. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The number of American presidential candidates varies with the sunspot cycle and the phases of the moon. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Politics is - once in a while - a forum for serious debate about political philosophy. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Politicians are always interested in people. Not that this is always a virtue. Fleas are interested in dogs. — P. J. O'Rourke Dog Copy Share Image
It was to be a short visit for the G-shevs. More than four days in the U.S. and Raisa's VISA card bill… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I was managing editor for a while [in National Lampoon ], and it does cause business problems when your circulation goes up. — P. J. O'Rourke Business Copy Share Image
![“Mike Kelly [from The Atlantic] called me up and said he could pay me less money.” quote by P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/722/p-j-o-rourke-184_mike_mike-kelly-from-the-atlantic-called-me-u_2025215.png)
![“I was managing editor for a while [in National Lampoon ], and it does cause business problems when your circulation goes up.” quote by P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3a0/p-j-o-rourke-184_business_i-was-managing-editor-for-a-while-in-nat_1676920.png)