If there are three words that need to be used more in American journalism, commentary, politics, personal life... it's the magic words… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
A very quiet and tasteful way to be famous is to have a famous relative. Then you can not only be nothing,… — P. J. O'Rourke Fame Copy Share Image
My Grandmother wouldn't even speak the word Democrat if there were children in the room, she'd say Bastards instead. — P. J. O'Rourke Children Copy Share Image
Moviemakers are rewarded with tax write-offs if, when seeking a location that looks like America, they seek it in America. — P. J. O'Rourke America Copy Share Image
Walt is dead. And, after a couple of hours at Epcot, you'll wish you were, too. — P. J. O'Rourke Couple Copy Share Image
A 'farm' today means 100,000 chickens in a space the size of a Motel 6 shower stall. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
There are a lot of mysterious things about boats, such as why anyone would get on one voluntarily. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In the language of politics, there is only one translation for the phrase 'hope and change,' to wit: 'big, fat government.' — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Some people have facts; these can be proven. Some people have theories; these can be disproven. But people with opinions are mindless… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Adam Smith pointed out that there were three things that make us more prosperous, in a general sort of way: freedom to… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Rich parents are famous both for miserliness and astonishing longevity. And, when they finally do die, you'll find they've left their estate… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
By the end of the 1950s, American cars were so reliable that their reliability went without saying even in car ads. Thousands… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Every vote should carry a serial number, so that responsibility for harmful or careless use of the vote can be traced. Concealed… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
There are twenty-seven specific complaints against the British Crown set forth in the Declaration of Independence. To modern ears they still sound… — P. J. O'Rourke British Copy Share Image
Moscow has changed. I was here in 1982, during the Brezhnev twilight, and things are better now. For instance, they've got litter.… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Whatever the occasion, do not neglect alcohol. No other refreshment will do. Yes, alcohol kills brain cells, but it's very selective. It… — P. J. O'Rourke Alcohol Copy Share Image
[Wave of bestselling conservative commentators] it's kind of like reading The Power Of Positive Thinking, or any other advice or how-to book.… — P. J. O'Rourke Advice Copy Share Image
Government isn't a good way to solve problems ... [G]overnment is concerned mostly with self-perpetuation and is subject to fantastic ideas about… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
After the events of the 20th century, God, quite reasonably, left Europe. But He's still here in the United States. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Then there was LSD, which was supposed to make you think you could fly. I remember it made you think you couldn't… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
And, by the way, how come all the people who were so in favor of unilateral nuclear disarmament are so opposed to… — P. J. O'Rourke Disarmament Copy Share Image
Tom DeLay may or may not have broken campaign finance laws, but he did his best to look like he was breaking… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
There are two factors in American politics that may seem strange to Europeans: race and religion. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Governments have monopolies on certain things, like eminent domain and deadly force. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If I give up drinking, smoking, and fatty foods, I can add ten years to my life. Trouble is, I'll add it… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Californians devised a system of electricity sales that ignored every dimension of the free market. — P. J. O'Rourke Californians Copy Share Image
I've decided that my motto in life is "Get off my lawn." It's the right answer to everything. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat -… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It had never occurred to us that the Kremlin's new anti-booze campaign would apply to journalists. Now, that's a human-rights violation. — P. J. O'Rourke Booze Copy Share Image
Happy hour is slightly different in the Soviet Union. There are no ice cubes or orange-peel twists in the vodka. Also, it… — P. J. O'Rourke Cold Copy Share Image
In a free country, government is a dull and onerous responsibility. It is a parent-teacher conference. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The most futuristic aspect of the House of the Future was that it was made almost entirely of plastic. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
We all know the types who listen to Pete Seeger songs; even Pete admits they aren't interesting. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Until I carried my wife off to New Hampshire, she defined wilderness as the Bronx. — P. J. O'Rourke Bronx Copy Share Image
Never do anything to a clitoris with your teeth that you wouldn't do to an expensive waterproof wristwatch. — P. J. O'Rourke Clitoris Copy Share Image
Adam Smith is misread as being amoral precisely because people don't read his first book, because they don't read 'The Theory of… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
When I left the Lampoon, I went west to try that out, and discovered that I hated it.They were awful people turning… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
All business is capitalistic. You require capital for any sort of business endeavour. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
There are just two rules of governance in a free society: Mind your own business. Keep your hands to yourself. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The 18,000 NASA employees are full of galactic talents and abilities and are ready to accomplish whatever they're directed to do. — P. J. O'Rourke Ability Copy Share Image
![“[Wave of bestselling conservative commentators] it's kind of like reading The Power Of Positive Thinking, or any other advice or how-to book. All they do is reassure people of their basic opinions, and then they can continue to act like they've always acted. I'd say it's time to move on to…” quote by P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1c2/p-j-o-rourke-184_advice_wave-of-bestselling-conservative-comment_55176.jpg)
![“Government isn't a good way to solve problems ... [G]overnment is concerned mostly with self-perpetuation and is subject to fantastic ideas about its own capabilities. ... [G]overnment is wasteful of the nation's resources, immune to common sense and subject to pressure from every half-organized…” quote by P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9b8/p-j-o-rourke-184_average_government-isn-t-a-good-way-to-solve-pro_2807755.jpg)
