China is trying to become America without democracy while America is trying to become France without cheese calories. — P. J. O'Rourke America Copy Share Image
Lampoon was a very collegial operation, though "collegial" usually means "friendly" and it wasn't that friendly. But we were tight, like a… — P. J. O'Rourke Family Copy Share Image
Political discourse has become so rotten that it's no longer possible to tell the stench of one presidential candidate from the stink… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I don't even know which end of a computer one is supposed to gaze into. I've never used a computer. — P. J. O'Rourke Computer Copy Share Image
Never Refuse Wine. It is an odd but universally held opinion that anyone who doesn't drink must be an alcoholic. — P. J. O'Rourke Alcoholic Copy Share Image
Government conspiracy? They can't even deliver our mail and it's got our address on it and everything! — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Soviet constitution guarantees everyone a job. A pretty scary idea, I'd say. — P. J. O'Rourke Constitution Copy Share Image
I am no stranger to loud music. I've been to a Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels concert. I once dated a… — P. J. O'Rourke Concert Copy Share Image
No humorist is under any obligation to provide answers and probably if you were to delve into the literary history of humour… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It's the squares who know how to fly the fighter planes and operate the missiles and the bombs and work the M-16s.… — P. J. O'Rourke Bombs Copy Share Image
Cats are to dogs what modern people are to the people we used to have. Cats are slimmer, cleaner, more attractive, disloyal,… — P. J. O'Rourke America Copy Share Image
The great apologist has to have lived large and wild. If he's going to kiss the world's boo-boos and make up, he'd… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Cars let us out of the barn and, while they were at it, destroyed the American nuclear family. As anyone who has… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Being a humorist is not a voluntary thing. You can tell this because in a situation where saying a funny thing will… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The divorce rate in 1946 was higher than it ever had been and as high as it ever would be until the… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The most brilliant satire of all time was 'A Modest Proposal' by Jonathan Swift. You'll notice how everything got straightened out in… — P. J. O'Rourke Brilliant Copy Share Image
Government is a health hazard. Governments have killed many more people than cigarettes or unbuckled seat belts ever have. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Not much was really invented during the Renaissance, if you don't count modern civilization. — P. J. O'Rourke Civilization Copy Share Image
Politics is a necessary evil, or a necessary annoyance, a necessary conundrum. — P. J. O'Rourke Annoyance Copy Share Image
You can always reason with a German. You can always reason with a barnyard animal, too, for all the good it does. — P. J. O'Rourke Animal Copy Share Image
Globalization is simply opening the free marketplace to encompass the entire world. — P. J. O'Rourke Entire world Copy Share Image
I had a confused early hippie phase, which was like a cafeteria tray of sloppy, semi-Marxist thoughts, absorbed second-hand. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something brussel sprouts… — P. J. O'Rourke Brussel sprouts Copy Share Image
Something is worth what somebody will pay for it. Nothing else, nothing more, nothing less. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
African famine is not a visitation of fate. It is largely man-made, and the men who made it are largely Africans. — P. J. O'Rourke Africans Copy Share Image
Call a man 'ignorant,' and you have license to show the world your vast fund of knowledge and wise him up. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I've always figured that if God wanted us to go to church a lot He'd have given us bigger behinds to sit… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Explosion of positive rights started in 1932 with the election of Roosevelt. — P. J. O'Rourke Election Copy Share Image
I knew Hunter Thompson since the '70s, and I loved him, but he would wear me out as I got older. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Imagine having journalists in your own home and not even covering the furniture with plastic sheets first. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Everybody in America who didn't come over the Bering Strait ice bridge stole his land from somebody else. — P. J. O'Rourke America Copy Share Image
My generation of Americans was the first to really care about racism and sexism, not to mention the I Ching, plus, of… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In its worse forms, conservatism is a matter of 'I hate strangers and anything that's different.' — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I just wasn't cut out to be a Chinese Tiger Mom. I'm more of an Irish Setter Dad. — P. J. O'Rourke Chinese Copy Share Image
Mistreatment of al Qaeda members and their friends and hangers-on is something I number among my moral concerns. But it's number 1,000,000,001. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
America wasn't founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well… — P. J. O'Rourke America Copy Share Image
I arrived in the middle of a press conference - as boring a thing to sit through if you don't know the… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The wonder is that communism lasted so long. But then again, modern poetry lasted a long time, too. — P. J. O'Rourke Communism Copy Share Image
If you get outside the world of show business and its satellites, there's a whole world of car nuts in the Los… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
