Modern air travel means less time spent in transit. That time is now spent in transit lounges. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Political systems are run by self-selecting politicians. We don't draft people; it's not jury duty. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Smoking cigarettes seems to alarm peace activists much more than voting for Reagan does. — P. J. O'Rourke Activist Copy Share Image
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Of all the American educational system's problems, none is more severe than the academic year beginning before Labor Day. — P. J. O'Rourke Academic Copy Share Image
In Western Australia they don't even know how to make that vital piece of sailboating equipment, the gin and tonic. — P. J. O'Rourke Australia Copy Share Image
Distracting a politician from governing is like distracting a bear from eating your baby. — P. J. O'Rourke Baby Copy Share Image
The real alternative to power of the rich is not power of the poor. It's just plain power. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
There is a simple rule here, a rule of legislation, a rule of business, a rule of life: beyond a certain point,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Some people have facts; these can be proven. Some people have theories; these can be disproven. But people with opinions are mindless… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Adam Smith pointed out that there were three things that make us more prosperous, in a general sort of way: freedom to… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Rich parents are famous both for miserliness and astonishing longevity. And, when they finally do die, you'll find they've left their estate… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
By the end of the 1950s, American cars were so reliable that their reliability went without saying even in car ads. Thousands… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Every vote should carry a serial number, so that responsibility for harmful or careless use of the vote can be traced. Concealed… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The day was warm and clear. Kids were playing soccer in the parking lots and women were sunning their babies and having… — P. J. O'Rourke Baby Copy Share Image
That doesn't mean that you should just sit back and just let accidents happen to you. No, you have to go out… — P. J. O'Rourke Accidents Copy Share Image
Politicians will talk strategy and tactics and policies and programs until they're blue in the face, or you strangle them and they… — P. J. O'Rourke Blue Copy Share Image
Detroits industrial ruins are picturesque, like crumbling Rome in an 18th-century etching. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Some women want the strong silent type, so they can tell him to shut up and rearrange the furniture. — P. J. O'Rourke Furniture Copy Share Image
Women are successful in the business world because the business world was created by men. Men are babies. And women areGood With… — P. J. O'Rourke Baby Copy Share Image
Jack Abramoff is the world's best lobbyist - for the Federal Penitentiary System. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Who, other than a crazy person, does anything besides hang up on a robo-call? Any call, any person, anywhere, under any circumstances. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Just as some things are too strange for fiction, others are too true for journalism. — P. J. O'Rourke Fiction Copy Share Image
Sloths move at the speed of congressional debate but with greater deliberation and less noise. — P. J. O'Rourke Animal Copy Share Image
Whenever people tell you they are going to wipe the slate clean, it's your slate they mean to wipe. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I had grown up as a feature writer, and basically my career had been in The National Lampoon and as a magazine… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
No government proposal more complicated than "This note is legal tender for all debts, public and private" ever works. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
People have a right to my food, a right to my housing, and a right to my good job for my decent… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Freedom is not empowerment. Empowerment is what the Serbs have in Bosnia. Anybody can grab a gun and be empowered. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
A nation with a goofy foreign policy needs a very serious policy of defense. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
You can't get something for nothing. Everybody remembers this except politicians. — P. J. O'Rourke Inspirational Copy Share Image
It remains to be seen which program will cause greater societal damage: China's one-child policy or America's one-parent policy. — P. J. O'Rourke America Copy Share Image
The whole melodrama of the Middle East would be improved if amnesia were as common here as it is in melodramatic plots. — P. J. O'Rourke Amnesia Copy Share Image
The more aspects of life that can be moved from private reign to public realm, the better it is for politics. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If we're free to do what we want, why does government always have a plan for us? — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
One of the few benefits of being a journalist is that you're not in the Army. — P. J. O'Rourke Army Copy Share Image
War expands government powers. The trouble is that, when the war goes away, the government powers do not. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
These were people who believed everything about the Soviet Union was perfect, but they were bringing their own toilet paper. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
America's public schools have served their purpose. Free and compulsory education was good for a somewhat unpromising young nation. — P. J. O'Rourke America Copy Share Image
I had always thought of Egypt as a rather secular country. And I think it is, but people are quite observant of… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
