All Mark Twain Quotes
- It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Athlete
- Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get. Climate
- Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. Cabbage
- Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired. Educational
- Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul. Broke
- When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain. Bait
- Work is a necessary evil to be avoided. Avoided
- The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right. Distributed
- Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven. Everything Human
- A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape. Expected
- The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. Bible
- If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way. Animal
- Grief can take care if itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with. Care
- Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities. Civilization
- If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat. Cat
- Be careless in your dress if you will, but keep a tidy soul. Careless
- When red-haired people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn. Auburn
- Better a broken promise than none at all. All
- She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that… Bird
- Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. All
- Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer. Atheism
- Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation. Communicate
- It is not best that we should all think alike; it is a difference of opinion that makes horse races. Alike
- A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds. Business
- I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up. Funny