All Mark Twain Quotes
- The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad. Abroad
- Priapism is what happens when someone gets strangulated to the point of hypoxia. Funny
- Going to law is losing a cow for the sake of a cat. Cat
- Not until you become a stranger to yourself will you be able to make acquaintance with the Friend. Able
- The way it is now, the asylums can hold the sane people, but if we tried to shut up the insane we should run out… Asylums
- The English are mentioned in the Bible; Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. Bible
- I am the entire human race compacted together. I have found that there is no ingredient of the race which I do not possess in… Compacted
- It is agreed, in this country, that if a man can arrange his religion so that it perfectly satisfies his conscience, it is not incumbent… Agreed
- We all do no end of feeling, and we mistake it for thinking. All
- I think a compliment ought always to precede a complaint, where one is possible, because it softens resentment and insures for the complaint a courteous… Complaint
- It is not worth while to try to keep history from repeating itself, for man's character will always make the preventing of the repetitions impossible. Always Make
- The New York papers have long known that no large question is ever really settled until I have been consulted. Been
- Let your secret sympathies and your compassion be always with the under dog in the fight -- this is magnanimity; but bet on the other… Bet
- Where prejudice exists it always discolors our thoughts. Discolors
- If you invent two or three people and turn them loose in your manuscript, something is bound to happen to them -- you can't help… All
- Whatever you have lived, you can write & by hard work & a genuine apprenticeship, you can learn to write well; but what you have… Apprenticeship
- I'm merely running some errands. This is now off the record. Errands
- Can it be possible that the painters make John the Baptist a Spaniard in Madrid and an Irishman in Dublin? Baptist
- We need not worry so much about what man descends from; it's what he descends to that shames the human race. Descends
- There's always something about your success that displeases even your best friends. Always Something