All Mark Twain Quotes
- If there is a God, he is a malign thug. Atheist
- I cannot help but notice that there is no problem between us that cannot be solved by your departure. Atheist
- Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion - several of them. Animal
- My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart-a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. Accommodation
- One may make their house a palace of sham, or they can make it a home, a refuge. Home
- A sense of humor is the one thing no one will admit to not having. Admit
- Don't wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pig likes it. Both
- Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper. Advertisement
- An author values a compliment even when it comes from a source of doubtful competency. Appreciation
- One is apt to overestimate beauty when it is rare Appreciation
- Our Bible reveals to us the character of our god with minute and remorseless exactness... It is perhaps the most damnatory biography that exists in… Angel
- We have not all had the good fortune to be ladies. We have not all been generals, or poets, or statesmen; but when the toast… All
- Most people can't bear to sit in church for an hour on Sundays. How are they supposed to live somewhere very similar to it for… Bear
- A baby is an inestimable blessing and bother. Babies
- Prohibition only drives drunkenness behind doors and into dark places, and does not cure it or even diminish it. Behind
- There is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a dream, a grotesque and foolish… All
- Always obey your parents - when they are present. Always Obey
- There has been much tragedy in my life; at least half of it actually happened. Actually Happened
- In religion and politics, people's belief's and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination Almost Every
- Of all the unchristian beverages that ever passed my lips, Turkish coffee is the worst. The cup is small, it is smeared with grounds; the… Aggravation