“Oberon "one day Atticus was amazed to discover that when Jupiter said "As you wish," what he really meant was "I love… — Kevin Hearne Princess-bride-jokes Copy Share Image
“Drug addicts perplex me. They're a relatively recent development, historically speaking. Everyone has their theories - monotheists like to blame it on… — Kevin Hearne Division of labor Copy Share Image
“The mad fucker just laughed that insane laugh and pulled his sword out of his ass. Zeus, now afflicted with acute pietism,… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“ Hordes, not whores. He had both, though, now that you mention it. You have no idea.” — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“Hamlet promised himself he’d throw down afterward, but I think perhaps when he said, “From this time forth, my thoughts be bloody,… — Kevin Hearne Fight Copy Share Image
“I still didn’t know quite what the witches were capable of. The threshold could be booby-trapped or enchanted. I could be walking… — Kevin Hearne Funny Copy Share Image
Not everyone can be bribed with meat, Oberon." "They Can't? Oh! you mean they're vegetarian." "No, they eat meat. It just doesn't… — Kevin Hearne Decision Copy Share Image
“You, sir," I said, "have all the dignity of a badger with the clap. Shark shit has more fiber than you. I'm… — Kevin Hearne Money Copy Share Image
“it shall be called the Triple Nonfat Double Bacon Five-Cheese Mocha!”>” — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“I think every creature near enough to hear that just pooped" Oberon said, "And then it went into hiding. Hunting tip number… — Kevin Hearne Dog-sense Copy Share Image
“Morrigan "What are guilt ferrets:" Atticus "They're bastards. They cling to your neck and tickle and bite and generally make you miserable,… — Kevin Hearne Guilt Copy Share Image
“My father taught me that words shape people as the hammer shapes iron. Leaders bend religions to their purposes, and religions in… — Kevin Hearne Parenting Copy Share Image
“The answer to enemies who heal annoyingly fast is always, always decapitation. That is why swords will never go out of style.” — Kevin Hearne Fighting Copy Share Image
“When Kevin Costner asks his dad at the end if he’d like to have a catch, I just completely lose my shit.… — Kevin Hearne Dad Copy Share Image
Wooo!’ he said, slamming his shot glass down and coughing a bit. ‘That’s good stuff.’ I agreed heartily. ‘Shall we do another… — Kevin Hearne Coughing Copy Share Image
“Cool. Can we watch one last movie first?" "All right, buddy. What'll it be?" "I think The Boondock Saints, because the Irish… — Kevin Hearne Boondock Saints Copy Share Image
“Oberon Atticus "Gods below, I think you're right. Quick, to the Geekmobile!” — Kevin Hearne Batman-inuendos-humor Copy Share Image
“for now, bread and mead call us, appetites whetted, to witness what I have been nursing, encased in iron, licked by flame,… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
I hoped you would consider it seriously instead of laughing at it.' 'Mr. Chamkanni said much the same thing in bed the… — Kevin Hearne Bed Copy Share Image
Atticus "What's this religion going to be called?" Oberon "Poochism" A:"and the name of this holy writ I will be typing for… — Kevin Hearne Fleas Copy Share Image
