Josh Billings

Pity cost nothing and ain't worth nothing.

— Josh Billings

The unfortunate do not pity the unfortunate.

— Josh Billings

Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.

— Josh Billings

When the truth is in your way, you are on the wrong road.

— Josh Billings

Pity costs nothing, and it ain't worth nothing.

— Josh Billings

There is a significant Latin proverb; to wit: Who will guard the guards?

— Josh Billings

Genius ain't anything more than elegant common sense.

— Josh Billings

Advice is like castor oil — easy enough to give but dreadful hard to take.

— Josh Billings

Habits are like the wrinkles on a man's brow; if you will smooth out the one, I will smooth out the other.

— Josh Billings

The devil is the father of lies, but he neglected to patent the idea, and the business now suffers from competition.

— Josh Billings

There is only one good substitute for the endearments of a sister, and that is the endearments of some other fellow's sister.

— Josh Billings

It is a statistical fact that the wicked work harder to reach hell than the righteous do to enter heaven

— Josh Billings

The quickest way to take the starch out of someone who is always blaming himself is to agree with him.

— Josh Billings

A secret ceases to be a secret if it is once confided - it is like a dollar bill, once broken, it…

— Josh Billings

Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.

— Josh Billings

As in a game of cards, so in the game of life, we must play what is dealt to us, and the…

— Josh Billings

It is better to know nothing than to know what ain't so.

— Josh Billings

It ain't often that a man's reputation outlasts his money.

— Josh Billings

A wise man never enjoys himself so much, nor a fool so little, as when alone.

— Josh Billings

Life is short, but it's long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined.

— Josh Billings

The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord that it ain't gout.

— Josh Billings

Suicide is cheating the doctor out of job.

— Josh Billings

Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.

— Josh Billings

Live within your income, even if you have to borrow money to do so.

— Josh Billings

The man who has never been tempted doesn't know how dishonest he is.

— Josh Billings

Opinions should be formed with great caution, and changed with greater.

— Josh Billings

Music hath the charm to soothe a savage beast, but I'd try a revolver first.

— Josh Billings

Never run into debt, not if you can find anything else to run into.

— Josh Billings

Prejudice assumes the garb of reason, but the cheat is too thin.

— Josh Billings

Tears are a good alterative, but a poor diet.

— Josh Billings

Unless we put heart and soul into our labor we but brutify our actions.

— Josh Billings

I never knew a man troubled with melancholy, who had plenty to do, and did it.

— Josh Billings

Ambition is like hunger; it obeys no law but its appetite

— Josh Billings

Selfish people, with no heart to speak of, have the best time of it.

— Josh Billings

Pyrotechnically considered, [laughing] is the fire-works of the soul.

— Josh Billings

Metaphysics is the science of proving what we don't understand.

— Josh Billings

You'd better not know so much, than to know so many things that ain't so.

— Josh Billings

A puppy plays with every pup he meets, but an old dog has few associates.

— Josh Billings

Advice is like kissing: it costs nothing and is a pleasant thing to do.

— Josh Billings

Liberty, like chastity, once lost, can never be regained in its original purity.

— Josh Billings