“In Switzerland, it is illegal to keep just one guinea pig.” — John Lloyd Guinea pig Copy Share Image
“Kummerspeck (“grief bacon”) is German for the weight put on from eating too much when feeling sorry for yourself.” — John Lloyd Bacon Copy Share Image
“James Joyce married a woman named Nora Barnacle. She once said to him, ‘Why don’t you write books people can read?” — John Lloyd Books Copy Share Image
“Robert Burns was never called Rabbie or Robbie—though he did occasionally call himself Spunkie.” — John Lloyd Robert Burns Copy Share Image
“As a baby, Oliver Cromwell was abducted by his grandfather’s pet monkey.” — John Lloyd Cromwell Copy Share Image
“If you have a pizza with radius z and thickness a, its volume is pi*z*z*a.” — John Lloyd Copy Share Image
“Tour de France riders need to eat the equivalent of 27 cheeseburgers a day.” — John Lloyd Cheeseburgers Copy Share Image
“British spies stopped using semen as invisible ink because it began to smell if it wasn’t fresh.” — John Lloyd Copy Share Image
Maybe the universe is a giant practical joke and we don't know the punchline. — John Lloyd Giant Copy Share Image
“About 200,000 academic journals are published in English each year. The average number of readers per article is five. The average… — John Lloyd Books Copy Share Image
I still don't like authority exercised without reason. But they laugh at you at Cambridge if you say that sort of thing.… — John Lloyd Authority Copy Share Image
You can analyse a joke and say it's funny because this guy thought this was going to happen, and that happened, and… — John Lloyd Analyse Copy Share Image
“Under Chairman Mao, every Chinese family was obliged to kill a sparrow a week to stop them eating all the rice. The… — John Lloyd Chairman mao Copy Share Image
I'd never bought the idea that you don't lose money by underestimating the intelligence of the audience. Although perhaps I should add… — John Lloyd Add Copy Share Image
“There is no known scientific way of predicting earthquakes. The most reliable method is to count the number of missing cats in… — John Lloyd Earthquakes Copy Share Image
“William Frederick ‘Buffalo Bill’ Cody, hunter, Indian-fighter and showman, joined the Pony Express – the West’s legendary mail service – at the… — John Lloyd Cody Copy Share Image
“You are 14% more likely to die on your birthday than any other day. 51” — John Lloyd Birthday Copy Share Image
The universe is fractal. The closer you look at it, the more interesting it becomes. — John Lloyd Becomes Copy Share Image
You can't predict anything. How can you be certain about anything when everything is chaos and we're not in control? — John Lloyd About Copy Share Image
I have very strong views on TV. There's no diversity, there's no choice. Things are decided by committee. — John Lloyd Choice Copy Share Image
“By law, buskers in Dublin must have a repertoire of at least 20 songs.” — John Lloyd Song Copy Share Image
“It takes between 70,000 and 150,000 crocuses to make 2 pounds of saffron.” — John Lloyd Crocuses Copy Share Image
“St. Brigid of Ireland, the 6th-century abbess of Kildare, was noted for the miracle of transforming her used bathwater into beer for… — John Lloyd Wine Copy Share Image
I can help you shape your sitcom, I can help you think about what could make your sketch show better, but it… — John Lloyd About Copy Share Image
Jokes are a lot about meaning. I think if we understand what jokes mean and why they work, we'd understand everything else.… — John Lloyd About Copy Share Image
“When John Hetherington ventured out in public wearing the first top hat, it was considered so shocking that children screamed, women fainted,… — John Lloyd Children Copy Share Image
“Douglas, I've made a few small changes to acknowledge the passing of the years. Hope you're alive and well in some parallel… — John Lloyd Parallel universe Copy Share Image
I spoke Spanish when I was three, and then Maltese. I love dictionaries. I like foreigners. My dad moved every year before… — John Lloyd Abroad Copy Share Image
I do have at home the most ridiculous number of awards for what I have done, which is nice in terms of… — John Lloyd About Copy Share Image
“What we need is a treasure house, not of knowledge, but of ignorance. Something that gives not answers but questions. Something that… — John Lloyd Ignorance Copy Share Image
