“If you ask me a multiple part question, and half my answers are yes and half are no, I may just average… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My soul is invisible, like an anorexic’s dinner, but it sure enhances how I feel about my body.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The only time I’ll eat Italian wedding soup is if I’m wearing a tuxedo and eating with a priest.” — Jarod Kintz Marriage Copy Share Image
“A hotel is a temporary aquarium for people. That’s why I travel with a fishing pole, and erectile dysfunction medicine.” — Jarod Kintz Hotel Copy Share Image
“The last time I saw love was in my imagination while reading a book on Thomas Jefferson. Isn’t the Constitution of the… — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“The institution asked me to speak and say a few words. So, knowing a few is three, I said, I love you.” — Jarod Kintz Language Copy Share Image
“I have women all over the world. In New York, London, Los Angeles. I think what they find most appealing about me… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to not only make promises, but fulfill them too. They're so soft and warm, how could they… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t have to extend my hand to greet you. A wink can reach across the room. And a wink in a… — Jarod Kintz Across the universe Copy Share Image
“I’ve often been told I fight like a girl, probably because from the moment I whip off my bra, my opponent knows… — Jarod Kintz Time Copy Share Image
“When a whisper seems like a shout, I know I need to get some sleep. But I can’t lay down without first… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When my grandma moved, she didn’t know anybody. But that was partly due to being in a new place, and partly from… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There are three things I look for in a woman to potentially date, and one of them is neither her breasts or… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I once tried out for the Girl Scouts. I only went to one meeting. I ate all their cookies and then left.” — Jarod Kintz Girl scout Copy Share Image
“I have no problem overcoming the butterflies in my stomach. Of course, neither do the fish I thought I caught with my… — Jarod Kintz Butterflies Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as another brick, as they all look the same. So yes, I am for human cloning as… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s possible that I couldn’t handle the truth, but I sure wouldn’t mind fondling it to find out.” — Jarod Kintz Handle the truth Copy Share Image
“People call me “Mustache,” because I have an eyebrow on my upper lip. When I close my lips it’s like a wink… — Jarod Kintz Hair Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to keep you warm at night, in the same way that a blanket could be used to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to assuage your sense that life isn't real. Hold it in your hands and say, This is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“18 is like two snoozes back to back, or the birthday of two clones, blindfolded, standing back to back.” — Jarod Kintz Birthday Copy Share Image
“My friends call me Two Socks Kintz. They used to call me Barefoot Orafoura, but then someone gave me some socks. That… — Jarod Kintz Barefoot Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to line the walls of the Love Chamber, to soundproof it so that nobody hears you scream. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Orafoura was yelling at his dog (not a German shepherd) in German, and I thought, “I didn’t realize dogs can speak German.” — Jarod Kintz Animal Copy Share Image
“Those who seek the Truth are logically in the dark. Therefore, if I aspire to be anything in the world, it's to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I need to go to the grocery store because I’ve got nothing in my fridge but an old t-shirt, a pair of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d hate to be forced to drink my own vomit without throwing up, because what if they made me drink that too?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
I went to a football game once and got punched in the face, but you couldnt tell because I was already sitting… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She looked like the kind of woman I could fall in love with. Trouble is, she was standing next to the kind… — Jarod Kintz Fall in love Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a period on a really large sentence. A blanket could be used as a really large… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She didn’t just disappear from my life—she had the audacity to die on me. And until I get Alzheimer’s, I will never… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have the worst kind of history—a non history. I wasn’t born poor, oppressed, rich, famous, or any other such extreme. I… — Jarod Kintz History Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a paperweight, for people whose writing isn’t as dense or weighty as mine. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to simulate a war opponent. Especially if your nemesis is paraplegic and without transportation. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you see me sitting at a dining room table with a clean plate and bowl in front of me, you’ll know… — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“The last three inches of my penis shaft are perfect. Of course, the last three and the first three are one and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Don’t show me how I messed up, because I don’t need to be shown. Clearly if I’ve messed up once, I can… — Jarod Kintz Coaching Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used for pressing grapes into wine, and a magician could then cover up that wine with a blanket… — Jarod Kintz Wine Copy Share Image
“I tried to wear my shirt while it was still on the hanger. That’s just the kind of morning person I am… — Jarod Kintz Coffee Copy Share Image
“My body looks the same, but I gained 20 pounds. The difference is that right now I have an erection, and before… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
