“A brick could be used as a floating object that dispensed fresh water, if only it were lighter and shaped like a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wish I could sculpt my shadow into my night clone, and it could be out earning me money while I slept,… — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
I cut my hair so it looks like I just woke up all the time, so that I can be like, what… — Jarod Kintz Hair Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to stop abuse. Don’t cover up the atrocity—cover up your head, because what you don’t see, may… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She puts the “She” in Sheila. Who am I talking about? Why, Sheila, of course. It should be noted that I don’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I was 18 I got bitten by a snake, and since then I have refused to vote for either a Republican… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Making art can be a mystical, spiritual experience. Sort of like golfing on water, which I haven’t done, because I’m more Michael… — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to fill the night sky with smoke, if you use it to suffocate the fire. And if… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“They call alcohol spirits, because it’s the spirit turned liquid. Would you drink my soul if you knew I’d use it to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I went through and underlined all the funny lines in his book, and by the time I was done, I had underlined… — Jarod Kintz Book Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to control whole populations of people. Just get a good looking person, like a news anchor, to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I stand six feet back when meeting new people. And before they can step to me and extend their arm for a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“After the first meal with a new girlfriend’s family, I always like to say, “Will you folks excuse me, I have to… — Jarod Kintz Family Copy Share Image
“Surrealist Tip # 7: Sleep through numbers 1-6. Write down your dreams while you sleep, sleep as fast as you can, but… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You were sitting in a dentist’s chair, and I was cleaning your teeth. You wondered if… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
“I want to open a broken marriage repair shop. I’m not a counselor or psychologist, but I am a fan of the… — Jarod Kintz Broken marriage Copy Share Image
“If you ask me a multiple part question, and half my answers are yes and half are no, I may just average… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Orafoura doesn’t know shit about what I said, said Orafoura, quoting The Mythical Mr. Boo to me about the shit that’s been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My soul is invisible, like an anorexic’s dinner, but it sure enhances how I feel about my body.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The only time I’ll eat Italian wedding soup is if I’m wearing a tuxedo and eating with a priest.” — Jarod Kintz Marriage Copy Share Image
“A hotel is a temporary aquarium for people. That’s why I travel with a fishing pole, and erectile dysfunction medicine.” — Jarod Kintz Hotel Copy Share Image
“The institution asked me to speak and say a few words. So, knowing a few is three, I said, I love you.” — Jarod Kintz Language Copy Share Image
“The last time I saw love was in my imagination while reading a book on Thomas Jefferson. Isn’t the Constitution of the… — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to not only make promises, but fulfill them too. They're so soft and warm, how could they… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have women all over the world. In New York, London, Los Angeles. I think what they find most appealing about me… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ve often been told I fight like a girl, probably because from the moment I whip off my bra, my opponent knows… — Jarod Kintz Time Copy Share Image
“I don’t have to extend my hand to greet you. A wink can reach across the room. And a wink in a… — Jarod Kintz Across the universe Copy Share Image
“When my grandma moved, she didn’t know anybody. But that was partly due to being in a new place, and partly from… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When a whisper seems like a shout, I know I need to get some sleep. But I can’t lay down without first… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I once tried out for the Girl Scouts. I only went to one meeting. I ate all their cookies and then left.” — Jarod Kintz Girl scout Copy Share Image
“There are three things I look for in a woman to potentially date, and one of them is neither her breasts or… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have no problem overcoming the butterflies in my stomach. Of course, neither do the fish I thought I caught with my… — Jarod Kintz Butterflies Copy Share Image
“It’s possible that I couldn’t handle the truth, but I sure wouldn’t mind fondling it to find out.” — Jarod Kintz Handle the truth Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as another brick, as they all look the same. So yes, I am for human cloning as… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to assuage your sense that life isn't real. Hold it in your hands and say, This is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to keep you warm at night, in the same way that a blanket could be used to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“People call me “Mustache,” because I have an eyebrow on my upper lip. When I close my lips it’s like a wink… — Jarod Kintz Hair Copy Share Image
“18 is like two snoozes back to back, or the birthday of two clones, blindfolded, standing back to back.” — Jarod Kintz Birthday Copy Share Image
“My friends call me Two Socks Kintz. They used to call me Barefoot Orafoura, but then someone gave me some socks. That… — Jarod Kintz Barefoot Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to line the walls of the Love Chamber, to soundproof it so that nobody hears you scream. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
