Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to be one? — Jackie Mason Wanted Copy Share Image
The key is that I'm always relevant. Some of these comedians have nothing to say. They don't have any ideas so it's… — Jackie Mason Come up Copy Share Image
I didn't think it was fair to pretend to give of myself when I was so selfishly consumed with my own drives. — Jackie Mason Consumed Copy Share Image
Hillary Clinton's life has been filled with corruption but nobody cares. — Jackie Mason Care Copy Share Image
Even the Republican Party doesn't have the legs to challenge Hillary Clinton. — Jackie Mason Challenges Copy Share Image
Did you know that the Jews invented sushi? That's right - two Jews bought a restaurant with no kitchen. — Jackie Mason Did you know Copy Share Image
My father was a very successful businessman, but he was ruined in the stock market crash. A big stockbroker jumped out the… — Jackie Mason Bigs Copy Share Image
I've got another friend who is half-German and half-Polish. He hates Jews but can't remember why! — Jackie Mason Friendship Copy Share Image
The Clintons represent the highest level of corruption, but no one has the courage to mention it. Instead they talk about Rudy… — Jackie Mason Behavior Copy Share Image
I can't predict the future and I don't have respect for people who try to. — Jackie Mason Future Copy Share Image
Ladies and gentlemen, you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. .… — Jackie Mason Gentleman Copy Share Image
Jews are the best dressers in the world. They buy the best clothes, the best homes, the best cars. The best of… — Jackie Mason Car Copy Share Image
I'm crazy about the fact that the Jewish people should survive because they have so much to contribute and so many values… — Jackie Mason Better world Copy Share Image
When most people return from Europe, they tell tales of all the sites they saw, the shopping, the entertainment, etc. Jews, on… — Jackie Mason Austria Copy Share Image
Did you hear about the accountant who became am embezzler? He ran away with the accounts payable! — Jackie Mason Accountants Copy Share Image
You know how many stunning women told me they can't stand a good-looking man? ... Women feel secure with an ugly guy… — Jackie Mason Cheat Copy Share Image
If you wanted to hear politics, you'd go to Henry Kissinger; you wouldn't go to hear Jackie Mason. The reason I speak… — Jackie Mason Go Copy Share Image
There is no way I would ever want to be president for a second. It's much easier to make fun of them… — Jackie Mason Fun Copy Share Image
On the murder of New York deli owner Abe Lebewohl: It's almost like wiping out Carnegie Hall. A sandwich to a Jew… — Jackie Mason Abe Copy Share Image
Ten years ago if you would have told me that Mrs. Clinton would be the frontrunner for the Democratic nomination, I'd have… — Jackie Mason Clinton Copy Share Image
I can't pretend that I'm a great student of the art of comedy because anybody that becomes philosophical about humour doesn't know… — Jackie Mason Art Copy Share Image
A person who speaks good English in New York sounds like a foreigner. — Jackie Mason Foreigners Copy Share Image
There are more Democratic schmucks than there are Republican ones. — Jackie Mason Democratic Copy Share Image
“Anybody who's in favor of gun control is a fucking moron.” — Jackie Mason Gun control Copy Share Image
