Did you know that the Jews invented sushi? That's right - two Jews bought a restaurant with no kitchen. — Jackie Mason Copy Share Image
I've got another friend who is half-German and half-Polish. He hates Jews but can't remember why! — Jackie Mason Copy Share Image
I am excited about getting back to what I do best and what my audience likes best, I am writing new jokes… — Jackie Mason Copy Share Image
Older Jews think of Franklin Delano Roosevelt and see themselves as siding with the working class and the poor, so they continue… — Jackie Mason Copy Share Image
Jews are the best dressers in the world. They buy the best clothes, the best homes, the best cars. The best of… — Jackie Mason Copy Share Image
On the murder of New York deli owner Abe Lebewohl: It's almost like wiping out Carnegie Hall. A sandwich to a Jew… — Jackie Mason Copy Share Image
As a class, Jews give three times as much money to charity as anybody else, but they feel guilty about their wealth… — Jackie Mason Copy Share Image
When most people return from Europe, they tell tales of all the sites they saw, the shopping, the entertainment, etc. Jews, on… — Jackie Mason Copy Share Image
Jews are told that they should spend their lives helping others and when they make a lot of money it really bothers… — Jackie Mason Copy Share Image
It is easy to tell the difference between Jews and Gentiles. After the show, all the gentiles are saying 'Have a drink?… — Jackie Mason Copy Share Image
Blacks can get into medical school with a lower grade ... If that's true, a Jew should be able to play basketball… — Jackie Mason Copy Share Image
Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to be one? — Jackie Mason Copy Share Image
The key is that I'm always relevant. Some of these comedians have nothing to say. They don't have any ideas so it's "F" this… — Jackie Mason Copy Share Image
I didn't think it was fair to pretend to give of myself when I was so selfishly consumed with my own drives. — Jackie Mason Copy Share Image
Hillary Clinton's life has been filled with corruption but nobody cares. — Jackie Mason Copy Share Image
Even the Republican Party doesn't have the legs to challenge Hillary Clinton. — Jackie Mason Copy Share Image
Did you know that the Jews invented sushi? That's right - two Jews bought a restaurant with no kitchen. — Jackie Mason Copy Share Image
My father was a very successful businessman, but he was ruined in the stock market crash. A big stockbroker jumped out the window and… — Jackie Mason Copy Share Image
I've got another friend who is half-German and half-Polish. He hates Jews but can't remember why! — Jackie Mason Copy Share Image
The Clintons represent the highest level of corruption, but no one has the courage to mention it. Instead they talk about Rudy Giuliani. Over… — Jackie Mason Copy Share Image
I can't predict the future and I don't have respect for people who try to. — Jackie Mason Copy Share Image
Ladies and gentlemen, you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . .… — Jackie Mason Copy Share Image
