Everything Quote by Jackie Mason

Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to be one?

— Jackie Mason

The key is that I'm always relevant. Some of these comedians have nothing to say. They don't have any ideas so it's "F" this…

— Jackie Mason

Predictions are preposterous.

— Jackie Mason

I didn't think it was fair to pretend to give of myself when I was so selfishly consumed with my own drives.

— Jackie Mason

Hillary Clinton's life has been filled with corruption but nobody cares.

— Jackie Mason

Even the Republican Party doesn't have the legs to challenge Hillary Clinton.

— Jackie Mason

Did you know that the Jews invented sushi? That's right - two Jews bought a restaurant with no kitchen.

— Jackie Mason

My father was a very successful businessman, but he was ruined in the stock market crash. A big stockbroker jumped out the window and…

— Jackie Mason

I've got another friend who is half-German and half-Polish. He hates Jews but can't remember why!

— Jackie Mason

The Clintons represent the highest level of corruption, but no one has the courage to mention it. Instead they talk about Rudy Giuliani. Over…

— Jackie Mason

I can't predict the future and I don't have respect for people who try to.

— Jackie Mason

Ladies and gentlemen, you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . .…

— Jackie Mason