If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like now. — Jack Handy Love Copy Share Image
If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron.… — Jack Handy Drink Copy Share Image
“Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their… — Jack Handy Copy Share Image
And after you're real drunk, maybe go down to the public park and stagger around and ask people for money, and then… — Jack Handy Money Copy Share Image
If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now — Jack Handy Money Copy Share Image
I think one way the cops could make money would be to hold a murder weapons sale. Many people could really use… — Jack Handy Money Copy Share Image
If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone. — Jack Handy Love Copy Share Image
It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it.… — Jack Handy Deep thought Copy Share Image
Probably the earliest fly swatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick. — Jack Handy Love Copy Share Image
I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I bet you can really see it in… — Jack Handy Opera Copy Share Image
