Dylan Moran Quotes

123 quotes in 1569 categories

• Vodka! That's a child's drink, why am I drinking this stupid drink, oh and why am I on a traffic island?
• Money can't buy you love, but it can get you some really good chocolate ginger biscuits.
• You know, just sometimes in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that 400th glass of cornershop piss at 3am--you do sometimes…
• A man does not know how he came by the half a pie he is holding in his hand!
• I don't have lungs anymore! Just two spare bags that flew in under a bridge one day.
• When did you ever hear of a child not in need? 'Oh that's enough jam tart for me, I'll just go now and clean the…
• You know it's a sad day when your child looks at you and asks 'Daddy, are these organic?'
• If you covered a broom handle with oil and shoved it up my arse, then put me on a trampoline, in a lift, I could…
• I'm a vegetarian, well I'm not hardcore because I eat meat, but only because I like the taste, and I hate vegetables on a personal…
• I need a healthy injection of cynicism right now.
• Tequila? It's not even a drink. It's a way for having the cops around without using a phone.
• I used to live with two other guys. We used to cook two things. The first one was called 'cheese... thing' and that was where…
• I never thought I want to do anything, really, except not go to work properly and turn up at the same place every day and…
• Go and lie down in the dark... for hours... and don't move. I'm locking the door now
• What are children anyway? Midget drunks. They greet you in the morning by kneeing you in the face and talking gibberish. They can't even walk…
• Women are like canoes, full of soup. At first everyone is suspicious but then everyone wants one.
• Two young, fit, healthy attractive people in love? There’s nothing worse to look at in the world.
• You try various things when you're growing up. I was an attache in the Foreign Service for a while and then I drove a bulldozer,…
• The characters can't be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be character witty
• It's easy to smile when you have a squirrel's intellect.

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