Best Dave Attell Quotes
- So, I travel a lot. I hate traveling, mostly 'cause my dad used to beat me with a globe. Beat
- Jesse Joyce is a great writer. Great
- Sex and murder are the same. Well, you say the same after both don't you? 'Damn I got to get the hell out of here!… Both
- Even now, as we speak, people are having sex with animals. And we wonder why the animals attack us. Animal
- Sometimes you need a cigarette. Like after you have sex with a beautiful woman or a confused young man. Beautiful
- My gym has two-pound weights. If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym? What's your dream? To pump… Door
- I watch the Discovery Channel, and you know what I've discovered? I need a girlfriend. Channel
- The more Discovery Channel you watch, the less chance you have of ever meeting a woman. Because it fills your head with odd facts that… Any
- I don't think I'm a star or a celebrity or any thing like that. Any
- I'm not like a performer type. Inspirational
- My day jobs... I knew I was bad at those, so I didn't really have the confidence to think that I could do comedy. But… Bad
- I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes. I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who… Comic
- I'm a stand-up comic. Anything else I do besides that is a plus, but stand-up comedy is what I do, it's what I've been doing… Anything Else
- I never wanted to be famous. Famous
- I keep getting these people at my shows who only know me from television. I can always tell when they're, like, emotionally flinching when I… Always Tell
- For a long time the people at my shows were sort of the Pantera-tattoo trucker guys, really cool dudes, but I don't know what happened… Cool
- Once you get offstage you're just like everyone else, and everyone else can get into a fight. Everyone
- I don't mind a crowd's not laughing; it's the groans that slow down the show. Crowd
- I have soundtracks for a lot of stuff. Inspirational
- I'm not really a music guy. Funny
- Being on the road is kind of lonely. Inspirational
- I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous. Famous
- I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials. Funny
- I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes. Comics
- Doesn't matter what you say or do; people can always find a way to call you a dick. Always Find