Daniel Handler Quotes

495 quotes in 5123 categories

• Having a personal philosophy is like having a pet marmoset, because it may be very attractive when you acquire it, but there may be situations…
• There's information about everything from poetry to pills, from picture frames to pyramids, and from pudding to psychology--and that's just in the P aisle, which…
• Just about everything in this world is easier said than done, with the exception of "systematically assisting Sisyphus's stealthy, cyst-susceptible sister," which is easier done…
• In the secret pocket, she often kept a small pocket dictionary, which she would take out whenever she encountered a word she did not know.
• E!" Klaus cried. "E as in Exit!" The Baudelaires ran down E as in Exit, but when they reached the last cabinet, the row was…
• Most schools have a loud system of loud bells, which startle the students and teachers at regular intervals and remind them that time is passing…
• If an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say in a pleasant and hopeful voice, "Well this isn't too…
• Just because something is typed-whether it is typed on a business card or typed in a newspaper or book-this does not mean that it is…
• If you are a student you should always get a good nights sleep unless you have come to the good part of your book, and…
• After a certain age, you couldn't even say where you were from. You went someplace, and lived there. And then you went someplace else.
• If you like books with happy endings then put this book down immediately.
• Can't we sleep ten minutes more? I was having a lovely dream about sneezing without covering my mouth, and giving everybody germs.
• Every night I give a violin recital for six hours, and attendance is mandatory. The word 'mandatory' means that if you don't show up, you…
• Blinded following the Blindfolded
• This toast feels raw. Is it safe to eat raw toast?
• Today was a very cold and bitter day, as cold and bitter as a cup of hot chocolate, if the cup of hot chocolate had…
• Hal is on his way." The nurse announced reentering the room.
• There are many, many types of books in the world, which makes good sense, because there are many, many types of people, and everybody wants…
• When do you learn that the world, like any diner worth its salt, is open twenty-four hours a day?
• How can someone so wonderful do something so terrible?

Browse Daniel Handler Quotes by Category