Daniel Handler Quotes

495 quotes in 5123 categories

• I'm jealous of your hooks," Kevin replied. "Having no hands is better than having two equally strong hands." Don't be ridiculous," one of the white-faced…
• Grief, a type of sadness that most often occurs when you have lost someone you love, is a sneaky thing, because it can disappear for…
• Miracles are like pimples, because once you start looking for them you find more than you ever dreamed you'd see.
• Life isn't fair," he said, in his undisguised voice, and for once the Baudelaire orphans agreed with every word the man said.
• Nowhere in the world is safe," Count Olaf said. Not with you around," Violet agreed. I'm no worse than anyone else," Count Olaf said.
• It is very frustrating not to be understood in this world. If you say one thing and keep being told that you mean something else,…
• Sometimes, just saying that you hate something, and having someone agree with you, can make you feel better about a terrible situation.
• It is very useful, when one is young, to learn the difference between "literally" and "figuratively." If something happens literally, it actually happens; if something…
• For some stories, it's easy. The moral of 'The Three Bears,' for instance, is "Never break into someone else's house.' The moral of 'Snow White'…
• Neither were you [born yesterday], unless of course I am wrong, in which case welcome to the world, little baby, and congratulations on learning to…
• Figuratively, they escaped from Cout Olaf and their miserable existence. They did not literally escape, because they were still in his house and vulnerable to…
• One of the world's most tiresome questions is what object one would bring to a desert island,because people always answer "a deck of cards" or…
• It is almost as if happiness is an acquired taste, like coconut cordial or ceviche, to which you can eventually become accustomed, but despair is…
• What do your parents know, about surviving?
• Just because something is traditional is no reason to do it, of course. Piracy, for example, is a tradition that has been carried on for…
• In love, as in life, one misheard word can be tremendously important. If you tell someone you love them, for instance, you must be absolutely…
• Your initial opinion on just about anything may change over time.
• It was darker than a pitch-black panther, covered in tar, eating black licorice at the very bottom of the deepest part of the Black Sea.
• Tea should be as bitter as wormwod and as sharp as a two eged sword Kit Snicket (a series of unfortunate events)
• It is a miracle if you can find true friends, and it is a miracle if you have enough food to eat, and it is…

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