Daniel Handler Quotes

495 quotes in 5123 categories

• You know, there's a big world out there filled with desperate orphans who would gladly swim across an ocean of thumbtacks just to be eclipsed…
• I know what is going on," said Sir. "I am the Boss! Of course I know!
• Desperate times call for desperate measures" is an aphorism which here means "sometimes you need to change your facial expression in order to create a…
• A new experience can be extremely pleasurable, or extremely irritating, or somewhere in between, and you never know until you try it out.
• People don't always get what they deserve in this world.
• The key to good eavesdropping is not getting caught.
• It is terribly rude to tell people that their troubles are boring.
• Whenever you are examining someone else's belongings, you are bound to learn many interesting things about the person of which you were not previously aware.
• To hear the phrase "our only hope" always makes one anxious, because it means that if the only hope doesn't work, there is nothing left.
• Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it isn't so.
• Like a church bell, a coffin, and a vat of melted chocolate, a supply closet is rarely a comfortable place to hide.
• Oftentimes. when people are miserable, they will want to make other people miserable, too. But it never helps.
• Even though there are no ways of knowing for sure, there are ways of knowing for pretty sure.
• You would run much slower if you were dragging something behind you, like a knapsack or a sheriff.
• Morning is an important time of day, because how you spend your morning can often tell you what kind of day you are going to…
• Criminals should be punished, not fed pastries.
• If you are trying to fool a farsighted or dimwitted person, a veiled facial disguise might be enough.
• Just because something is traditional is no reason to do it, of course.
• It is very unnerving to be proven wrong, particularly when you are really right and the person who is really wrong is proving you wrong…
• A man of my acquaintance once wrote a poem called "The Road Less Traveled", describing a journey he took through the woods along a path…

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